The Walk part 3: Freedom from Sin

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.

Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. 1 John 3:2-6

Today’s Reading: Ezekiel 47-48; 1 John 3

It’s dope that we have forgiveness, but why is there this focus on sin? Why does sin matter so much if we have been forgiven?

Snowball Effect

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. - Ephesians 5:3-5

Today’s Reading: Isaiah 14-16; Ephesians 5:1-16

Ok…

How does this jive with what Paul said earlier about all things being permissible, but not everything is beneficial?

At least I think that’s the obvious question. The standard held here seems on the surface to be different than what he said earlier. But really it is not. There is one part of this passage that really hit me hard:

A Convo with Kofi About Sex

So I wrote this post yesterday about the passages in 1 Cor 6 regarding sexual immorality. 

Shortly there after the homie Kofi hit me up on chat with some challenging questions and the following conversation ensued. I believe that one of the ways that God speaks to us is through those around us. 

My man Kof makes some good points... Enjoy

Kofi: haha...interesting, I gotta run, be back later. I just wanted to ask several Questions: Did you look at all the other verses having to do with sex before coming to the conclusion of permissibility? Have you considered 1 Cor 6:12 in the context of Matthew 5:28, 1 Cor 7:9, and Job 31:1? What do you think it means that sex is never discussed in the Bible in a positive way before marriage? Have you truly searched your spirit man for not just wisdom but 'understanding' on some 1 Cor 2 stuff (before writing this particular piece)? How explicit would the writers have to be to convince people that sex before marriage is sin, and would that be practical? Would it be spiritual? If even thinking lustfully at a woman is sin, how could actual sex not be? Is the lack of definition of sexual immorality a call for us to get away from seeing sin through adherence to ' 'law' and really seeking God's spirit rather than our human intellect to decide how we should live or who we should we?

me: haha just saw your comments. Let me read through them..

Did I look at all of the scriptures no. but I'm not even convinced that "fornication" is sex outside of marriage.

Regarding Matt: 5:28 adultery, by definition, implies that one has already entered into the marriage bond. Even so that is an impossible standard. I'm not sure if you read my entire post but I do submit to the fact that Paul is right about it being bad, assuming that he is talking about sex outside of marriage.

Regarding 1 Cor 7:9... look at verse 6 for context.. “I say this as a concession, not as a command.”

In both chapter 6 and 7 he is clear that this is not a command.

He is also clear in saying that this is wise and the best way to go... and I agree with him.

Job: 31:1: Wasn't Job married? Also this is not part of the Laws of Moses. I'm certain of that. It is a New Testament thing.

I'd argue that sex isn't discussed at all in terms of it being before marriage. I've seen sex discussed in marriage, in adultery, and with prostitutes. It may very well be the case that folk really weren't having sex with women outside of marriage (unless they were prostitutes) because it was such a taboo.

I have searched for wisdom on this. And I readily accept that I could be wrong but I felt compelled to write this because I'm not the only person thinking about it. If having a dialog about it means that I come out as being the one that is flawed then I'm ok with that. But I didn't want to shy away from writing about it just because I have problems with it (I almost punked out).

I do think it would have been practical to mention it explicitly. The old law is explicit about not having sex with animals and homosexuality... why not be explicit about this? In the New Testament verse I mentioned in the blog, Mark 10... I can see someone using that as a rationale… but still it is in the context of divorce and marriage. I don't understand why the Bible is explicit about so many other general aspects of sex and not this one.

The part about seeing God's spirit... you've got me there

Maybe this really speaks to the sickness of our society. I do not believe that it is ideal for human beings to be unmarried into their 30s... at the time folk were getting married in their teens… big cultural changes have occurred... again I'm not saying this to explain away the situation... but maybe our society is so sick that the sexual part of obedience is that much more trying.

Let's discuss further.

Kofi returned

me: well you made the point that I made in the second half of my post

 In terms of the will of God and what the spirit says on the matter, which makes the definition of "fornication" kinda a moot point

Kofi: I want to go back to a couple of points you made

me: ok

Kofi: I’m interested in the definition of adultery

me: INTERESTING

Kofi: adultery, as I interpret it in the bible does not mean marriage. From our reading of the whole book its essential meaning has to do with faithfulness to God

me: see… now that is what I have heard about fornication

  never about adultery

  

Kofi: well going back to Matthew 5

  and lustfulness

me: fornication meaning not putting anything before God

  ok

  listening

Kofi: to me Matthew 5 is really getting at God wanting us to be free of a lustful mind

  that's why he doesn't break it down into specific sex acts

  because if we could sniff each others butts to fulfill lustful mental desires

  we would do it

  like "God didn’t say we couldn’t do this"

to me marriage is part of what justifies sexual gratification in Gods eyes

me: hmmm

Kofi: because going back to adultery, and faithfulness,

  these fleshly bodies

  aren’t ours

  they're his

  bought with his blood

with his spirit inserted into those who receive it

coming together in lust, lust in itself being a sin, to me is definitely sin

me: still here listening FYI

Kofi: Rather than breaking down specifics, he focuses on lust, because it is an affliction of the spirit, that deals with all of the physical acts associated with it

me: great point

Kofi: like if you kiss a girl on the mouth, like I'm feeling you, I love you, shoot I love the God in you

  not necessarily lust

whereas if you kiss someone and you're like, "dang I just want to knock the stuffin’ out that English muffin"

  its lust

me: hahahaah

  is it possible to knock the stuffin out the english muffin in a "i love the God in you" kind of way without being married?

  j/k kinda

Kofi: hahahahaha

me: hahahahaha

Kofi: well in marriage, presuming a whole lot of other factors outside of the bounds of this convo, God's cosigned on the union

  we got justification

  its like, right now

  I'm still a sinner

  I'm just justified

  by his grace

Sex without marriage is Sex without the grace covering

  does that make it fall short of being actual sin?

  I dont think so, because sex without lusting

  dont exist

me: damn you

Kofi: I was thinking the exact same thing

  lol

  {damn me}

me: hahahahahhaa

  thank you for being a great friend

Kofi: thank you brotha, unlike Wesley Snipes in New Jack City, "I am my brothas keeper" (trying to be)

me: hahahaha thanks man

I still don't follow you on the expansive definition on adultery...

  but I do understand you taking the leap on the lustful mind

  adultery or not

  That's where the Holy Spirit comes in... cause otherwise it's impossible.

  The lustful mind part

Kofi: Got you, I got my concept about adultery from verses like Jeremiah 9:1-3 and Hosea 7:1-5

in which he calls people adulterers, for being unfaithful to him. You know how there's that verse about a married person's priority is their spouses and a single person's is God's business? He seems to be saying you're never really single. You're either in covenant with him, or him and your spouse, either way, your heart, mind, and body belong to him first.

me: I don't read these verses the same way

why isn't calling them adulterers just one extra thing they are all doing wrong?

 yeah that's 1 Cor 7

Kofi: well in Hosea 7 he says they are "all" adulterers

me: yes

  he says all in Jeremiah too

  maybe they all were just sexin’ all kinds of prostitutes and scalawags

Kofi: maybe, I think they were bad

  but as bad as we are

  we aint that bad

  and our generation is pretty terrible

me: hahaha

  yeah that's real

he makes it sound like Sodom 10.0!

  all kinds of unsavory, skullduggerous pandemonium

Let's Talk About Sex

embrace by Egon Schiele

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh. "But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. – 1 Corinthians 6:12-17

Today’s Reading: Psalms 113-115; 1 Corinthians 6

Ok I’m gonna come right out and say it…

I don’t think sex outside marriage is a "sin".

I know that 99% of my Christian brothers and sisters will disagree with me here and to be honest I’m ok with that. Maybe I will receive a new understanding in the future and change sides on this one. I have two issues with it. 

First, what is “sexual immorality” anyway? I haven’t seen it explicitly defined as sex outside of marriage. In the last chapter it was used when discussing a man sleeping with his father’s wife. Now THAT is pretty darn immoral. I get that. But someone please help me with a scripture explicitly saying that sexual immorality (fornication) is sex outside of marriage. I will also accept an argument that seems to break that down by saying what can and cannot be done. Provide scriptures please.

Secondly, every time I have heard a sermon on the topic they reference these verses…

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay… I can dig that. 

But they never include these verses…

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12

It’s from the same section of the same chapter! Context matters.

I have spent years thinking about this for obvious reasons. It’s not like I’m a virgin or anything. And call me a sinner if you want but good gracious, sex being a sin has never made sense to me.

But then I read the next few verses and I see the point that Paul is making here:

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." – 1 Corinthians 6:16

The point here is that there is something more going on with sex than the physical. When we have sex with someone we are connecting on a deeper level than we realize. That person becomes a part of us and we become a part of them. You know each other in a way that cannot be articulated.

I don’t know if you have experienced this but let me test it out for you. Do you remember the last time you saw someone that you had sex with in the past but have not seen in a while? There is a familiarity there that is more intimate than what you feel when you see a long lost friend. In a deeper sense you know each other.

There is a soul tie.

You’ve shared a bond, whether it was for several years or just one night. The duration of the relationship may affect the intensity but it doesn’t change the fact that a connection is there. During sex we are at our most vulnerable. We open ourselves up to the other person in a way that doesn’t happen in any other kind of human interaction.

This is why Paul’s general point makes sense to me. Whether or not it is permissible is not really the point. The question is whether or not it is beneficial. If we have a lasting connection with everyone that we have ever had sex with, then how does this affect our future relationships? Are we bringing this baggage into our marriages?

Paul would say yes. And I’d have to agree… reluctantly.

I think this is something compelling to think about. Of course I believe in Grace and that these connections can be overcome but geez… we can’t front on these things being complicated. So I guess the fewer the connections the better.

And this gets us back to the original point… sex outside of marriage.

I do believe that not having sex outside of marriage is ideal in a profound way. But I also think it is permissible. However, like with everything we do, there are costs and benefits.

The question is, is it worth it?

That is not for me to tell you. But I think the argument for no sex before marriage very compelling. I’m not gonna sit here and promise you that I won’t do it. I’m no fool. But I do think it is an interesting discussion to have.

What do you think? Agreements, disagreements and comments are welcome as always. 




UPDATE:


This is what Jesus had to say about divorce... this is the best I've found on sex outside of marriage being no bueno.. but it refers to the bond of marriage... What about the time between leaving your folks and getting married? If you believe that divorce is not a sin, outside of it being caused by adultery, then how is premarital sex sin? Perhaps the change in our society of folks getting married later and living outside the home before marriage changes the game? Then again maybe not. Interesting stuff tho. 


Mark 10: 1-12

The Company We Keep

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife!  And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you. 1 Corinthians 5: 1-2

Today’s Reading: Psalms 110-112; 1 Corinthians 5

Ummm… did you read the passage above?

Ewwwwwwww

Let’s look at this a minute. A man has his father’s wife. There are a few things that stick out here for me. The first is “father’s wife”. Dude is not sleeping with his mother (wipes sweat off brow), but he’s messing with his stepmother! Yuck. Still gross but only mildly less gross since it is not in the same blood line.

The second thing is “has”. This indicates that this is no one time affair. Not only is dude booed up with his step mother but he’s been bringing her to church like it’s all good and the other members haven’t done anything about it.

And this is where it gets interesting.

We have seen prominent church folks in the news lately who have been accused of doing some pretty sad stuff. Bishop Eddie Long is the most recent example. According to Paul here we gotta throw them out! And you know what… I feel him.

Now of course this doesn’t mean you get thrown out forever. We are supposed to be a forgiving people.  When someone truly repents and displays reconciliatory actions that demonstrate a desire to heal old wounds then we should allow that process to take place over time. But yo man… if you’re running any kind of organization based on some moral values and you’ve got folks in there trampling all up on said values then they got to go.

I think this is why folks have such a hard time with Christians. We tend to be the first to tell other people what they should believe, how they should act, that they are condemned to eternal damnation. Then it seems like every time you look up, the folk screaming loudest in condemnation of others are the ones doing the wildest things. The preachers hollering the most violent anti-gay and lesbian vitriol is the dude hiring male prostitutes. The dude preaching abstinence to the young college aged kids in his congregation is the one accused of trying to have sex with them (and it was young boys… double whammy).

Even as a Christian myself I have been discouraged by these things in the past. Why can’t folk just act decent? Why do the folks screaming the loudest have to be the ones who act the worst? Why don’t they just shut up already?

If you make a mistake and try to right that then cool, I can dig that. But if you decide to live in such a way that not only habitually hurts yourself and others but also affects the faith of those around you…

You got to go.

We gotta be careful about what we allow into our house. In the same way that you would think twice about allowing a thief in your home, even if they were your child, we gotta really think carefully about who we have in our spiritual homes.

Whether we like it or not we are all role models. Regardless of your faith or lack of faith others look to you to be an example of what you say that you believe. Those same silent observers will use their observations to color their perspectives of other people who claim to think like you do or believe in what you believe in.

So if you’re gonna act wild and flaunt it for the world to see… keep that to yourself. Don’t bring it around me. I still love you and wish you the best. But on the real… kinda hard to break bread with you homie if you’re gonna bring your dad’s wife to the dinner table with you.

You are the company you keep. Never forget that.

Job Was Better than I

Today’s Reading: Job 30-31; Acts 13:26-52

Job is still stating his case for why he feels that he is being treated unfairly by God. As I read through this it got me thinking one thing in particular:

Job sure is a better man than me.

Let’s go through some of chapter 31 so that you can see what I mean.

 1 "I made a covenant with my eyes
       not to look lustfully at a girl.

Yep, I’ve done that. Strike one. But geez… look what he goes on to say.

 9 "If my heart has been enticed by a woman,
       or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door,

 10 then may my wife grind another man's grain,
       and may other men sleep with her.

 11 For that would have been shameful,
       a sin to be judged.

Whoa whoa whoa! Ummm… dude you’re willing to swear by your wife in such a graphic adulterous fashion? Nope, not I sir. All this time I never realized how serious he was. I knew he was serious but this really put it in context. My man Job is willing to condemn himself in ways that I’d never think of. He is THAT sure that he is blameless.

Rock on sir.

 13 "If I have denied justice to my menservants and maidservants
       when they had a grievance against me,

 14 what will I do when God confronts me?
       What will I answer when called to account?

 15 Did not he who made me in the womb make them?
       Did not the same one form us both within our mothers?

He really gets the great commandment. He really gets that he is no better than anyone else. He really gets the importance of loving his neighbor. It’s pretty inspiring.

 21 if I have raised my hand against the fatherless,
       knowing that I had influence in court,

 22 then let my arm fall from the shoulder,
       let it be broken off at the joint.

That’s a bit dramatic… But I guess I would be too if I had lost all my children, my possessions and was covered head to toe with boils for no apparent reason.

 24 "If I have put my trust in gold
       or said to pure gold, 'You are my security,'

 25 if I have rejoiced over my great wealth,
       the fortune my hands had gained,

I know I have worried too much about money and didn’t trust enough in faith. Yep. I can’t claim this one either.

 26 if I have regarded the sun in its radiance
       or the moon moving in splendor,

 27 so that my heart was secretly enticed
       and my hand offered them a kiss of homage,

 28 then these also would be sins to be judged,
       for I would have been unfaithful to God on high.

Ok ok… I’ve checked my horoscope on occasion… But hey, my fellow Virgos and I have a lot in common. Umm.. I’ll stop now.

 29 "If I have rejoiced at my enemy's misfortune
       or gloated over the trouble that came to him-

Yep, another strike… definitely done this before.

33 if I have concealed my sin as men do,
       by hiding my guilt in my heart

Yep and that too…

Goodness gracious Job must have been the illest! I cannot imagine actually wanting to stand before God to lay out a case for my righteousness and being able to say all that this man is saying. It’s so easy to understand now why he is so mad. I’d be mad too if I believed all of these things about myself.

But what does make me feel good is that we aren’t judged by our deeds. Of course we won’t be perfect. Of course we will make mistakes. Perfection is not the standard that we are judged against.

Rather, we are viewed in the context of our faith and love; by how much our love for God is revealed in our endeavor to love each other.

I have a feeling that as long as I stick with those two things everything else will fall into place.  

Shame: A Letter to David

As King David approached Bahurim, a man from the same clan as Saul's family came out from there. His name was Shimei son of Gera, and he cursed as he came out. He pelted David and all the king's officials with stones, though all the troops and the special guard were on David's right and left. As he cursed, Shimei said, "Get out, get out, you man of blood, you scoundrel! The LORD has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The LORD has handed the kingdom over to your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a man of blood!" – Excerpt from 2 Samuel 16: 5-14

Today’s Reading: 2 Samuel 16-18; Luke 17: 20-37

Yo David,

Man, what are you thinking? I read this over and over again at least four or five times. And all I could think was wow… what would I be thinking here?

Several years earlier you knocked up Bathsheba and killed her husband in the process. The prophet Nathan told you about yourself and you felt real bad. You knew that God was not a fan of what you did.

Not one bit.

So fast forward a couple of years and here you are… running out of Israel to escape from your son Absalom. On the way out you run into Saul’s kin folk. Of course he’s not exactly pleased with you. But wow. He throws stones at you in front of all of your men and curses you saying that you got dethroned because you are a man of blood.

Must not have felt too good man…

What’s interesting is that you know that you were anointed by God through Samuel. That is undeniable. So of course what he is saying about this being retribution for Saul is incorrect. But, you sure do know that you have some innocent blood on your hands.

I too wondered why you didn’t have old boy snuffed out when he was throwing stones. But I get it. Even though he wasn’t exactly right, you knew that you were wrong.

Your tryst with Bathsheba turned you into the man of blood that he was speaking of.

I guess it pays to do right doesn’t it?

I’m not judging you, but it seems like you have some doubts at this point. But how much do you doubt? Do you doubt whether or not you will be king again? Or, do you doubt whether or not you ever should have been?

It seems to me that both are equally likely because of the remorse that you felt for the wrong that you did.

So hard man…

No person is perfect… and hence the difficulty of living life. But one thing you have shown me here David, is that when we do wrong we open the door to all kinds of confusion.

I’ll do my best… sigh…

Peace.

How Small Wrongs Become Big Problems

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant." – 2 Samuel 11: 2-5

Today’s Reading: 2 Samuel 9-11; Luke 15: 11-32

Don’t do it David! Noooooooooooooo!

Uh oh… She got him. Drats.

We’ll get to David in a minute here but we gotta talk about Bathsheba for a second. You know what my first thought is every time I read this story?

She knew what she was doing…

It looks like folks have been getting trapped for millennia. The game doesn’t change… each generation just adds their own flavor to it.

Ok. If you’re lost… let me recap the play by play here.

David goes for a stroll on his roof. He’s chillin’, looking around the city and low and behold he sees a super bad woman bathing in plain view.

Who does that? Nekked for the whole city to see? Riiiiiight.

Then he has his folks go get her, he sleeps with her, and she gets preggers.

You know what David should have done right? He should have taken a play out of Onan’s handbook!

I kid, I kid.

Ok… David shouldn’t have been up on the roof peeping at folks. Yes I know that the army was away at war and he was probably just chillin in the palace board to tears. But dude… occupy your time in a more responsible manner. Go get a board game, play some backgammon, Uno, dominoes… something else other than the “peeping Tom” move.

What this situation shows is how one little thing can lead to a huge wrong. Later in the chapter David sends Bathsheba’s husband to the front lines of the war to die.

So David went from being a peeping Tom to a murderer at light speed. He made one error that continued to build on itself until he totally acted out of his character.

None of us are above this. We have all been in the position where we have told a “white lie” that snowballed into fictions so great that they could inspire award winning performances.

But when it comes down to it most of our big mistakes can be traced back to the small decisions we make. We cannot avoid all of these mistakes because we are not perfect. But, if we constantly work toward being the best that we can be and stay humble, then hopefully we will have the focus and discipline to admit our smaller wrongs before they become big ones.

Shake It Like a Salt Shaker

"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said. – Luke 7: 41-43

Jesus is having dinner at a Pharisees house. A “sinful” woman hears that he is there. She comes, kneels at Jesus’ feet weeping. She washes his feet with her tears and hair! Then she pours some expensive perfume on his feet.

Simon, the Pharisee thinks to himself that if Jesus really is a prophet then he must know what kind of woman she is. Then Jesus drops the bomb quoted above.

I’ve heard many a comedian talk about this idea a woman shakin’ it like a salt shaker in the club Saturday night coming to church the next morning hollering and praying louder than anyone. This weird juxtaposition of lifestyle and worship does seem pretty funny. But when we think about what Jesus said above, it makes a lot of sense.

I think that I’m a pretty good guy. Much like Simon the Pharisee I try to do my best to treat people well and be an overall good person. That’s a good thing. I too have looked down on folks who seem to be blatantly hypocritical. I’ve looked from the outside at their lives and compared it to what they say they believe and found the two to not match up.

But I was wrong to do that.

We have no idea where other people are on their path. Living a Godly life is a journey, not a destination. We don’t all of the sudden become “good people” or “righteous”. Each and every one of us is comprised of a set of choices, some good and some bad. It’s just that some of us have made choices that have been so damaging to ourselves and others that it is clear to them where they stand. They see very clearly that they are not good enough so they come rushing to God.

This too is a good thing.

So sure, maybe they don’t change overnight. We may see them in church hollering and carrying on while they are still struggling to get free from a lifestyle they have grown accustomed to.

But before we can change, we have to admit to ourselves that change is required. The sinful woman admitted that and through her actions showed Jesus that she believed he would forgive her.

And he did.

I wonder how many “good” people out there are like me and Simon; thinking that we can do it all on our own, thinking that good is good enough, looking at others and judging.

After all, I’ve spent my fair share of time shakin’ it at the club…

This is the underlying question in this story… Is “good” really good enough?

Food for thought.

(parental advisory for the clip below...which of course means kids have already seen it.)

Today’s Reading: Judges 19-21: Luke 7:31-50