21 Days of Listening Day 20: Forgiveness and Friendship

During these past 21 days of listening one of my longtime friends has been on my spirit. For years we have talked and debated about everything.

Oh how I love to debate!

Recently we have been having conversations about the Bible. He has gotten back into the Word and is super excited about what he has read so far. It is amazing to see how God is working in his life.

Unfortunately some folks we recently met shared some ideas that weren’t exactly in line with the scripture. These ideas made him question whether or not he should still be obeying the laws of Moses. When he brought up one of the issues while hanging out with our friends I responded to him by asking some tough questions. I asked him why he felt he should obey them. Why did it matter? The conversation didn’t go bad per se, but it definitely didn’t go as well as it could have.

The next day he sent me a text and asked if we could talk about the Word because he wanted to get some things straight about Jesus. Excited, I replied “sure!”

Then the Holy Spirit showed up again. He allowed me to feel the grief that He was feeling. When I searched for understanding as to why I was feeling this way the Holy Spirit replayed the conversation from the day before and showed me my error.

I had not responded with the love of Jesus.

Fortunately, I’d have another chance to make it right.

We talked after work and I apologized to him. I said that I should have been much more loving and not so confrontational about what he was trying to share. He forgave me! And then he also apologized for the years where I gently suggested that he read the scripture for himself or shared something I had learned but he was resistant to hearing it.

It was a wonderful call full of healing, ministry, and growth. I’m looking forward to sharing more with him in the future.

Today was a great day.

21 Days of Listening Day 19: A Testimony of Forgiveness

For the past almost three weeks I've been talking about how to listen to God, how to know it is God, and how to act on what we have heard.

Here is an example of how it has worked for me.

I grew up as a child of divorced parents. As is the case with such situations at times my parents did not get along. Over the years both parents have had some not so nice things to say about each other but it wasn't until several years ago that God really made it clear to me how much those words hurt me.

It is hard to hear bad things about a parent that you love, especially if it is coming from the other parent.


Several years ago I addressed this and other issues with my dad. We experienced so much healing from those conversations! But, until recently I hadn't addressed them with my mom.

During the past couple of weeks the Holy Spirit put on my heart that I needed to address it and that it was long overdue.

Here's how he did it.

During my prayer time he brought my mom into the forefront of my mind and highlighted to me how I had been treating her. I was not mean or rude but I had grown distant and cold, especially after those conversations about her and my dad. The more that the Holy Spirit showed me this, the clearer I saw that part of me internalized what she was saying.

After all, I not only love my dad but we also share the same name.

The Holy Spirit also showed me how the devil used this situation to drive a wedge between me and my mom. The longer I stayed silent the more resentful I became. Then I also started to think that since he is a part of me then maybe she feels this way about me too...

Of course the Holy Spirit showed me that none of these feelings were from God. It was my reluctance to address the issue that opened the door to these feelings. It was time to take action.

Over the weekend we hung out all Saturday. While we were at dinner the Holy Spirit tricked me into bringing it up!

We were talking about the things of God and I said something about how I have had to forgive a lot of people to grow in my relationship with the Lord.

So naturally she said "like who?"

"What are you going to do" the Holy Spirit said.

The Holy Spirit got me!

So I brought up the issue. I first apologized for not bringing it up sooner and for the times where I closed up or was cold and calloused to her. Then I told her that I didn't want to hear anymore about their relationship. It was the past and I'm happy to move on.

She was so receptive! She forgave me for holding onto these feelings and how it made me react to her and she was sorry for how I felt.

I felt a burden lift off of my shoulders. It was a huge blessing.

Not every situation goes this smooth. There are bound to be people that you repent to who refuse to receive your gesture of love.

That's on them. You can only control yourself.


But at the very least we can take action, take that first step of love and give the people in our lives an opportunity to love us.

Often times the people that have hurt us don't really see that they have hurt us.


By taking the first step we open ourselves up to vulnerability. This can be scary but that's OK. Do it for God. He told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Even if they don't love us back we will be blessed for our obedience.

Give it a shot. It has changed my life and I'm sure it will change yours.

21 Days of Listening Week 3 Time to Act - Day 15 - Forgive

James 2:26 NKJV
For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
Hey folks!

I hope that you are now getting better at quieting the mind and knowing if what you are hearing is from God.

Now it is time to put God's words into action.

Over the past two weeks has God told you to do some things? Maybe there has been a person ringing in your mind that you need to forgive. Maybe there was a long lost dream of your childhood long forgotten that the Holy Spirit brought back to your memory. Whether it was a dream or forgiveness or something that didn't make sense, God definitely put some actions on your heart.

These actions are what will help us move in the direction that God wants us to go.

Take some time to look at your notes for the last two weeks or write down all that you can remember God telling you to do.

This is your plan of action.

Put them in order from easiest to hardest and get started! Over the course of this week I'll give you some examples of people who did what God told them to do and the amazing things that happened as a result of daring to obey.

Acting in agreement with God will change your life. 

Forgive

I don't have to be an Old Testament prophet to know that over the past two weeks of quiet time and listening you thought of at least one person that you need to forgive.

Yes THAT person.

So let's pray together for a breakthrough here.

I pray that we have the courage to forgive that person or those people who have hurt me. I pray that the Holy Spirit gives me the strength and courage that I need to face my feelings truthfully. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

I know that You have commanded me to not only love my neighbors but also my enemies; but I also know that I cannot love my enemies with my own power so ask you, God, to help me.  I want to be free to hear You more clearly and live life more abundantly.

I thank you God in advance for healing my heart through forgiveness. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
This prayer will be the first step in our action plan. By praying in response to what God has shown us we are actively engaging in a true relationship with Him.

After you pray, listen to what God says and shows you. This will guide your next step.

21 Days of Listening Day 14: Reconciliation

This Week's Reading: Matthew Ch 5-7

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. - Matthew 5:23-24


Yesterday I talked about forgiveness. This is the other side of that tough coin of love: Reconciliation. 

Another thing that has plagued my quiet time in the past is knowing that someone has an issue with me. This is the kind of thing that can tear you up inside, especially if it is someone that you really care a lot about. 

If you are stubborn like me, then I'm sure you have experienced this. 

Have you ever had a falling out with someone, but for whatever reason you didn't want to resolve the issue? Usually both people are somewhat to blame. After all it does take two to tango. But when I was in those situation where I felt that the blame was less than 50% mine I would hold my ground and wait for the other person to apologize before I would even consider trying to reconcile. 

This ended up being another form of bondage. 

Instead of hearing from the Holy Spirit about the things I was praying on (my life's purpose, open doors for new opportunities and the like) the Holy Spirit constantly put these people on my mind. It wasn't until I rediscovered the verse above while I was stubbornly planted in unforgiveness that I finally understood it. 

Some relationships cannot be reconciled. It takes two to faithfully do that. But what we can do is apologize for our part of the fault between us. This way we have done our part to make the relationship whole. If the person doesn't respond in kind that is ok. That's between them and God. Either way it is worth it. At the very least you will do good by extending them an olive branch of love. At most you will regain a friend or loved one. 

So while we cannot fix every broken relationship on our own, we can say "I'm sorry". 

Those two words go a long way. 


Food for Thought: Is there anyone that you need to apologize to? Why haven't you done it already? Does it make sense to initiate an apology with this person?

21 Days of Listening Day 13: Forgiveness

This Week's Reading: Matthew Ch 5-7

Matthew 5:43-44 NKJV
You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,

One of the things that used to plague my quiet time was anger.

Sometimes I didn't even know what I was mad about. I would just have these flashes of negative emotions that would send my mind on tangents that distracted my quiet time.

When I tried to push it away or ignore it, it just got louder. I had to figure out some kind of solution.

What I did was I asked God to reveal the source of these feelings and instead of trying to repress them I actually listened to them.

Facing my feelings changed my life.

If your quiet time is filled with anger then this time of our journey with silence can really help you. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see the truth of how you feel.

When that truth is revealed ask Him to help you forgive. There is no wrong that is beyond forgiveness no matter how bad it was. We just have to remember that this is true only with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 4:13 NKJV
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Question to ponder: Are you constantly in a state of anger? Who are you refusing to forgive?

21 Days of Listening Day 12: The Blessing of Conviction

This Week's Reading: Matthew Ch 5-7

Matthew 5:29 NKJV
If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

One thing that the Holy Spirit will do in your quiet time as well as any time during the day is convict you.

I'm not talking about guilt. There is a difference.

Guilt keeps us in bondage. It implies judgment for not living up to a standard. Conviction on the other hand liberates us by merely point out our wrong doing to encourage us to be more Christlike.

The difference between guilt and conviction is grace.

Grace means that we can be forgiven. After all, that's the whole point to Jesus right? When you are guilty nothing can change that. There is no truth in guilt for those who believe in Jesus.

If you are plagued with guilt then odds are it is because you have not asked for forgiveness or given forgiveness to someone who has hurt you. Forgiveness is the source of freedom. It is the ultimate expression of love.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help. You can say this prayer.

God, please help me to forgive all who have wronged me; including myself. Please reveal the truth of those situations and show me the next Christlike step I should take. Please also forgive me for any wrongs I may have done to anyone else and help me to ask them for forgiveness. In the name of Jesus, Amen

This is a great way to open your prayer time! It starts you off from a position of spiritual freedom.
Jesus came to set us free. We do not belong behind the prison bars of guilt.

The Walk part 4: Living in Love

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:7-12

Today’s Reading: Daniel 1-2; 1 John 4

It’s all about love.

This is a point that I think gets forgotten, not only by folks who observe Christians from the outside, but also by us folk who call ourselves Christians.

The Walk part 2: Forgiveness

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. - 1 John 2: 1-2

Today’s Reading: Ezekiel 45-46; 1 John 2

We have forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an amazing thing. What it does is it allows for the possibility of developing a relationship.

This is true in any relationship. Can you think of a single person in your life that hasn’t let you down at least once? What happened when they hurt you?

Freedom Through Repentance

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Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
   to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
   for the salvation of the LORD. – Lamentations 3:22-26

Today’s Reading: Lamentations 3-5; Hebrews 10:19-39

There is something about this passage that really hits me hard. I’ve actually been reading it over and over again for the past several days. Finally I think I am starting to get it.

Love.

Write Your Own Redemption Story

“‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity and will rebuild them as they were before. I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. – Jeremiah 33: 6-8

Today’s Reading: Jeremiah 32-33; Hebrews 1

We love to see stories of redemption. Have you ever read an article about a person who, after having been down on their luck, received wonderful opportunities? There is something magical about it. I think that deep down inside we want to believe in the happy endings that redemptive stories bring into our lives.

I Just Put My Foot in my Mouth...

Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous,
   no one who does what is right and never sins.

Do not pay attention to every word people say,
   or you may hear your servant cursing you—
for you know in your heart
   that many times you yourself have cursed others. Ecclesiastes 7:20-22

Today’s Reading: Ecclesiastes 7-9: 2 Corinthians 13

Damn,

So you know those times where you do something that you say you try not to do without really being conscious of it and it comes back to kick you in the face?

Welcome to my day today.

So I got an email from a friend the other day saying that she is looking for roommates for this new place that she will be moving into pretty soon. When I first read the email it made me think of another friend who is looking for a place. As I ran down the list of amenities I was like oh this looks good. It’s in a cool area, the house looks nice from the pictures and it’s even pet friendly!

Check, Check, Check.

Looks like it might be a good fit.

So I forwarded the email to the friend who is looking for a new place. The email went like this:

“Not sure if you're really trying to have roommates but a Christian homegirl of mine is looking for some. I'll give you the low down on her if you are interested. We went to high school and Jr. High together... cool and sweet though on the judgmental Christian side... I don't know her super well. Let me know if you want to talk more.”

Not my finest hour…

It was alright until we got to the “judgmental Christian side” part. All bad… So here I am in an email judging someone I’ve known for years by saying that she’s judgmental!

That’s some irony for you… (a note to my literary friends… I don’t feel like looking up the definition of irony… if I am wrong feel free to educate me in the comments section below. Either way you get my point. Thanks.)

So the judged friend of mine called me and asked me about it. I’m actually really happy that she did because I know a whole lot of other people who would have just let it fester or just written me off as some kind of self-righteous hypocrite. But by calling me on it she gave me a chance to apologize.

I was so surprised by the call that I started off like “hummina hummina remember that one time when you had said x y and z well actually I don’t remember the exact time but you know what I mean blah blah blah.”

Such a dummy I was. How am I gonna try to blame her for my screw up?

Graciously she let me make a fool of myself until I just stopped and said you know what… I’m sorry. I judged you in saying that you were judgmental and that was wrong.

She thanked me for my apology and allowed me to clarify what I meant. We talked a bit more about it before ending the call decently well considering the circumstances.

I did learn a few things today. First of all, I’ve got more in common with the super judgmental folk than I think. This was a serious self check moment. I gotta work on that. Second, God has a funny way of teaching me things. I mean seriously… judging someone by calling them judgmental and getting confronted about it? That’s pretty ridiculous. Third… if you’re gonna be judgmental then don’t do it over email!!! (ok this isn’t really a good spiritual lesson but seriously… how moronic was I?)

As always… I’ve got a ways to go. For every one step back I gotta take two steps forward.

Smh… (shaking my head)

To my judged friend: If you are reading this then I hope that you will accept my apology and forgive me. Hopefully we can get past this and be cool in the future. I’m sorry!

Freedom Through Forgiveness

If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
   Lord, who could stand? 

But with you there is forgiveness,
   so that we can, with reverence, serve you. – Psalm 130: 3-4

Today’s Reading: Psalms 129-131; 1 Corinthians 11:1-16

I’ve been thinking a lot about freedom for the past few weeks. Through meditation week and the day of fasting I was able to see something that perhaps I had only glimpsed before. I saw the potential that we all have to obtain true freedom.

Freedom of spirit…

One of the paths of freedom is our ability to do without; to say no when we want to say yes.

Another path is letting go of the emotions that bind us to the past. This is done through forgiveness.

When we refuse to forgive we are really refusing to let go of the past. Often times it is something or someone in the past that hurt us, made us feel out of control. It was something that rocked our world. But the sad thing about it is that what we are holding onto in our souls is already dead, and the longer we try to force it to live within us, the sicker it makes us.

Our souls are not fit to carry dead weight.

I remember being raised with the notion that unforgiveness is a hindrance to faith. It prevents us from getting prayers answered and from being blessed by God.

Now I am beginning to understand what that means.

It isn’t that God punishes us for our refusal to forgive. It is that we punish ourselves. We are so focused on the pain that we are holding inside that we are blind to the answers God has provided to our prayers. We miss opportunities. We fail to follow through when we see them because much of our energy is being spent holding on to the past. In short, we get in our own way.

This is what happens when we see ourselves and others living in cycles. Have you ever known someone who continues to date the same person or the same type of person? Often times this is a form of self imposed bondage. Their desire to hold on to this ideal person in their heart causes them to seek out that person in others.  

That’s not a good look.

The only way to loose these shackles of our own creation is to forgive. We need to set them free by forgiving those people and situations that we perceive to be the authors of our pain. Not only will we be free to make important connections to others but we will also have the clarity of mind that we will need in order to see what God has given us.

So search your heart and think about someone that you need to forgive. Perhaps setting them free will be the best decision you can make for your future blessings.

Even if that person that needs to be forgiven is you…

Meditation Day 2: Crash

“You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48

Today’s Reading: Matthew 5-7

Yesterday was an interesting day.

As some of you know I am a big fan of public transportation. I have been working in downtown LA for several years now and have relied exclusively on buses and trains to get me down there. Besides saving money I feel that riding the metro exposes me to a totally different Los Angeles. 

It is a true melting pot where business executives may sit next to the homeless, kids in skinny jeans stand chatting above single mothers with their children, gangsters bump elbows with law enforcement and military veterans. The metro has finally become part of the major veins and arteries to the heart of downtown.

There was a movie called Crash that came out several years ago. It was about Los Angeles and what happens when we are forced out of the bubbles of our manicured lawns and single passenger cars through chance interactions with other people. These types of crashes don’t typically happen on the metro, if not for any other reason than that everyone on the train voluntarily left their bubbles when they decided to take public transportation.

But yesterday there was such a crash, and I was right in the middle of the intersection where it happened.

I got on the Gold Line train to Pasadena arrived at union station at around six o’clock in the evening. I was tired and feeling drained and my back was hurting from sitting too long in a chair that is a bit too small. Because of how I felt I was highly motivated to find a seat. Before the trains come, experienced riders strategically place themselves on the platform where they expect the doors to open. It is a tricky mixture of politeness and gamesmanship; so sophisticated that new riders would never notice.

I stood more often than not the first several weeks I rode this train.

I arrived at the platform several minutes before the train so I was in an ideal position to hold down a prime spot. I chose the last door of the last train as I knew that there were two isolated seats facing each other at the end. I enjoy reading on the train and these seats are the best for that endeavor.

By the time the train came the platform was packed, but I didn’t mind. My strategic positioning paid off. I was one of the first three people on the already almost full car. I found my ideal seat, sat and opened my book. My back felt better, I felt better; life was grand.

There was a dude standing right above me holding the hand rail. He seemed like a current or reformed gangster of some sort but he was a nice fellow. We exchanged nodding hellos and I carried on about the business of reading my book.

Two stops later a disturbance occurred.

The doors opened and this loud exceptionally rude man entered the train. By now it was so full that it would be hard for anyone to walk the isles without the obligatory “excuses me” and “pardon me” with each step. But there were a few things different about this man.

He had no manners, offered no apologies, and he was blind.

Yep… dude was blind. He was the “cane with a red tip” kind of blind. Obviously everyone tried to help him wade through the crowd because it was impossible to navigate, even for the sighted, but he wasn’t having it. He literally screamed at every attempt to help. “Don’t tell me where to go I can figure it out!” Of course the fact that there literally was nowhere to go without help escaped him. So he pushed and shoved and tapped and elbowed his way through the perplexed crowd, stepping on several shoes and kicking even more shins. He passed the handicapped seats and headed to the end of the train where the gangster dude and I were.

As the young blind man reached us he slammed into dude so hard that it dislodged him from where he was standing. My man tried to help him by guiding him in the right direction.

“HANDS OFF! DON’T TOUCH ME! I KNOW WHERE I’M GOING.”

To which old buddy responded, “no you don’t… I’m just trying to help you.”

The blind man took a short break from bickering with the alleged gangster to punk me out of my seat.

“CAN I HAVE THIS SEAT!” he demanded.

Presented with the dilemma of protecting my manhood against the challenge of a blind man I decided to get up and let him have the seat.

Rude Blind Man: 1

Manhood and Pride: 0

I stood up and gave him my seat, careful not to tell him where it was because after all, he can see right...?

After bumbling around for a spell he figured it out and sat down. He then continued to fight with the annoyed man standing above him. They exchanged barbs for the better part of ten minutes while the other riders listened on. The gangsterish dude commented on how the blind man must be bitter about life because of how rude he was. The blind man retorted that he wasn’t bitter; as a matter of fact he is happy with his life. He has the best life ever.

More than a few of us were skeptical about the truth behind his words.

The conversation degenerated into terribleness on both sides. The only reason why they didn’t physically fight is because the same pride that made the sighted fellow stand up for himself against the blind dude is the same pride that would not allow him to beat the jerk to within an inch of his life.

The cold part about it is that the blind guy knew it… he used his blindness to bully everyone around him.

It was the strangest of sights. After about two or three minutes of trying to focus on my book I thought for a minute… maybe I’m supposed to learn something here. So I started listening and reflecting on what was happening. I’m still thinking about it but I did realize a few things.

Both the blind man and the irritated, sighted fellow were playing the same part in the same play. Both were bullies in their own right. The blind man used his blindness to command control on all of those around him. He used the pity that so offended him when folks tried to help against those very same people. When the perturbed, sighted fellow fought back he in turn verbally bullied the blind man as much as he could since he could not rain blows upon his countenance.

Finally the sighted fellow stopped as his rage dissipated enough to realize the pattern. He wanted to exit the play.

But the blind man wouldn’t let him. He continued to talk trash to him; and when he no longer got a response, he got on his phone and started loudly talking to some person on the other side about this rude jerk standing next to him and how he had prevailed over him in the recent struggle.

It was quite unbelievable.

From my front row seat I thought about who was right and who was wrong. I guess more accurately, about who was more right and who was more wrong. I sympathized with the sighted fellow. He was rudely bumped into. When he tried to help he was verbally abused by a man who comfortably hid behind his handicap. It seemed to me that it was an injustice that was unbearably foul. I understood why he fought back.

But he was wrong too. He shouldn’t have answered the call to arms. He should have just inoculated himself with love to ward off the blind man’s venom.

Or so I thought. I really don’t know.

That’s what I thought I was doing when I gave up my seat but maybe I just punked out. It’s not like the blind man couldn’t walk. Why was it any more difficult for him to stand than it was for me? He could hold on to the rail just like I did. But he shamed me out of my seat. I didn’t want to be the jerk on the train that wouldn’t give his seat to a blind man. There’s no way that looks right.

In the end I was happy that I didn’t take the blind man’s invitation to the drama of his life. It was as sad a display of humanity as it was maddeningly complex. I am convinced that turning the other cheek was the right move here. Even the furious fellow who decided to fight with him ended up doing the same, at a higher cost to his pride.

It’s just annoying that some people push us to these extremes.

Today’s Meals:

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs

Snack: Mixed roasted nuts

Lunch: Home grilled chicken thighs and green beans (leftovers)

Snack: More nuts

Dinner: Pan seared rare albacore tuna and green beans

Beverage of the day… Water

Let's Talk About Sex

embrace by Egon Schiele

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh. "But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. – 1 Corinthians 6:12-17

Today’s Reading: Psalms 113-115; 1 Corinthians 6

Ok I’m gonna come right out and say it…

I don’t think sex outside marriage is a "sin".

I know that 99% of my Christian brothers and sisters will disagree with me here and to be honest I’m ok with that. Maybe I will receive a new understanding in the future and change sides on this one. I have two issues with it. 

First, what is “sexual immorality” anyway? I haven’t seen it explicitly defined as sex outside of marriage. In the last chapter it was used when discussing a man sleeping with his father’s wife. Now THAT is pretty darn immoral. I get that. But someone please help me with a scripture explicitly saying that sexual immorality (fornication) is sex outside of marriage. I will also accept an argument that seems to break that down by saying what can and cannot be done. Provide scriptures please.

Secondly, every time I have heard a sermon on the topic they reference these verses…

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay… I can dig that. 

But they never include these verses…

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12

It’s from the same section of the same chapter! Context matters.

I have spent years thinking about this for obvious reasons. It’s not like I’m a virgin or anything. And call me a sinner if you want but good gracious, sex being a sin has never made sense to me.

But then I read the next few verses and I see the point that Paul is making here:

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." – 1 Corinthians 6:16

The point here is that there is something more going on with sex than the physical. When we have sex with someone we are connecting on a deeper level than we realize. That person becomes a part of us and we become a part of them. You know each other in a way that cannot be articulated.

I don’t know if you have experienced this but let me test it out for you. Do you remember the last time you saw someone that you had sex with in the past but have not seen in a while? There is a familiarity there that is more intimate than what you feel when you see a long lost friend. In a deeper sense you know each other.

There is a soul tie.

You’ve shared a bond, whether it was for several years or just one night. The duration of the relationship may affect the intensity but it doesn’t change the fact that a connection is there. During sex we are at our most vulnerable. We open ourselves up to the other person in a way that doesn’t happen in any other kind of human interaction.

This is why Paul’s general point makes sense to me. Whether or not it is permissible is not really the point. The question is whether or not it is beneficial. If we have a lasting connection with everyone that we have ever had sex with, then how does this affect our future relationships? Are we bringing this baggage into our marriages?

Paul would say yes. And I’d have to agree… reluctantly.

I think this is something compelling to think about. Of course I believe in Grace and that these connections can be overcome but geez… we can’t front on these things being complicated. So I guess the fewer the connections the better.

And this gets us back to the original point… sex outside of marriage.

I do believe that not having sex outside of marriage is ideal in a profound way. But I also think it is permissible. However, like with everything we do, there are costs and benefits.

The question is, is it worth it?

That is not for me to tell you. But I think the argument for no sex before marriage very compelling. I’m not gonna sit here and promise you that I won’t do it. I’m no fool. But I do think it is an interesting discussion to have.

What do you think? Agreements, disagreements and comments are welcome as always. 




UPDATE:


This is what Jesus had to say about divorce... this is the best I've found on sex outside of marriage being no bueno.. but it refers to the bond of marriage... What about the time between leaving your folks and getting married? If you believe that divorce is not a sin, outside of it being caused by adultery, then how is premarital sex sin? Perhaps the change in our society of folks getting married later and living outside the home before marriage changes the game? Then again maybe not. Interesting stuff tho. 


Mark 10: 1-12

The Company We Keep

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife!  And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you. 1 Corinthians 5: 1-2

Today’s Reading: Psalms 110-112; 1 Corinthians 5

Ummm… did you read the passage above?

Ewwwwwwww

Let’s look at this a minute. A man has his father’s wife. There are a few things that stick out here for me. The first is “father’s wife”. Dude is not sleeping with his mother (wipes sweat off brow), but he’s messing with his stepmother! Yuck. Still gross but only mildly less gross since it is not in the same blood line.

The second thing is “has”. This indicates that this is no one time affair. Not only is dude booed up with his step mother but he’s been bringing her to church like it’s all good and the other members haven’t done anything about it.

And this is where it gets interesting.

We have seen prominent church folks in the news lately who have been accused of doing some pretty sad stuff. Bishop Eddie Long is the most recent example. According to Paul here we gotta throw them out! And you know what… I feel him.

Now of course this doesn’t mean you get thrown out forever. We are supposed to be a forgiving people.  When someone truly repents and displays reconciliatory actions that demonstrate a desire to heal old wounds then we should allow that process to take place over time. But yo man… if you’re running any kind of organization based on some moral values and you’ve got folks in there trampling all up on said values then they got to go.

I think this is why folks have such a hard time with Christians. We tend to be the first to tell other people what they should believe, how they should act, that they are condemned to eternal damnation. Then it seems like every time you look up, the folk screaming loudest in condemnation of others are the ones doing the wildest things. The preachers hollering the most violent anti-gay and lesbian vitriol is the dude hiring male prostitutes. The dude preaching abstinence to the young college aged kids in his congregation is the one accused of trying to have sex with them (and it was young boys… double whammy).

Even as a Christian myself I have been discouraged by these things in the past. Why can’t folk just act decent? Why do the folks screaming the loudest have to be the ones who act the worst? Why don’t they just shut up already?

If you make a mistake and try to right that then cool, I can dig that. But if you decide to live in such a way that not only habitually hurts yourself and others but also affects the faith of those around you…

You got to go.

We gotta be careful about what we allow into our house. In the same way that you would think twice about allowing a thief in your home, even if they were your child, we gotta really think carefully about who we have in our spiritual homes.

Whether we like it or not we are all role models. Regardless of your faith or lack of faith others look to you to be an example of what you say that you believe. Those same silent observers will use their observations to color their perspectives of other people who claim to think like you do or believe in what you believe in.

So if you’re gonna act wild and flaunt it for the world to see… keep that to yourself. Don’t bring it around me. I still love you and wish you the best. But on the real… kinda hard to break bread with you homie if you’re gonna bring your dad’s wife to the dinner table with you.

You are the company you keep. Never forget that.

On Revenge: A Letter To A Psalmist

O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongs—
         O God, to whom vengeance belongs, shine forth!
 Rise up, O Judge of the earth;
         Render punishment to the proud.
 LORD, how long will the wicked,
         How long will the wicked triumph? – Psalm 94: 1-3

Today’s Reading: Psalms 94-96; Romans 15:14-33

Dear Psalmist,

Hello good sir. I’ve been reading the words of you and your cohorts and I have noticed many themes; but the one that currently intrigues me is revenge.

Through your words I see that you have experienced much injustice. You have seen bad people win and good people lose and wondered aloud what that is all about. How could God allow this to happen? What did the good do to deserve to lose out to the wicked? What does the future hold for both? There are times where you have doubted and blasted out words of fury and frustration.

But you always have a way of coming back around. In the end you choose to believe.

That is something that I am working on. It is a struggle for me to believe what I cannot see or to ignore that which I do see.

I look around at the news and society and I see much of what you complain about. At times I feel frustrated when I see the little guy made to be a scapegoat for the actions or incompetence of others who are more powerful. I wonder why and how this is allowed to continue sometimes.

But then there are those other times…

There are the times when I see folks get their comeuppance. On occasion I have seen the mighty fall under the burden of their actions. This seemed good and right to me and I must admit that I have definitely relished in that revelation in the past.

But I am starting to see that God does not wish for me to feel this way either. He wants me to operate in a place of love that feels the same sadness and remorse for all who fall; big or small, rich or poor. It is this universal love that I see as a constant struggle. It is an impossible goal to attain but a worthwhile endeavor to pursue.

We are challenged to shoot for the stars so that we may hit the moon. Either way we will have traveled out of this world.

Thank you sir for reminding me that it is ok to feel what I feel but also that it is not ok to stop there. I must constantly search for new ways to love, knowing that God will help me get there.

And in the process I can leave all of those other frustrations in God’s hands, where they belong. 

We Will Not Lose

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:37-39

Today’s Reading: Psalms 70-71; Romans 8:22-39

I love this. Paul is so absolutely ride or die with his faith. This is one of those spiritual pep talk scriptures for Christians.

But there is an important thing to remember here. The part of this passage that hits me the hardest is “through Him who loved us.”

Paul lists off all of these things that seem to be more powerful than us: death, life, angels, principalities, powers. Against these things we are to be more than conquerors. We shall persevere through the trials of the present and the future. There is nothing that can separate us from God and what God has for us to do.

But this statement isn’t a statement of one’s own power. It is a statement of what we can do when we connect with the love of God. That’s what “through Him who loved us” means to me. When we tap into that love that goes beyond human understanding then nothing can stand in our way.

Proof of this for me is the example that I always go back to; the Civil Rights Movement. It must have seemed so strange when black folks in the south and their allies from various cultural backgrounds resisted the violent policies of Jim Crow intimidation with peaceful measures. I remember learning about it as a kid and thinking that it was crazy.

But I get it now. As King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

It takes a love beyond my understanding to live like this; and for me, that love can only come from my connection to God.

It has not only been helpful in the extreme environment of social struggle but it can be helpful for all of us in our day to day lives. The same love that was required to turn the other cheek during the sit-ins is what powers our forgiveness of those who have wronged us. It is what allows us to take another chance on love when we have been hurt in the past. It is what allows us to reach out and help those in our lives who take more than they give.

The power of love cannot be defeated in and of itself. It only yields when we have lost our faith, when we have lost the courage to get up, carry on, and continue on love’s journey.

If we don’t give up then we will never lose. 

The MC of Antiquity

Break their teeth in their mouth, O God!
         Break out the fangs of the young lions, O LORD!
Let them flow away as waters which run continually;
         When he bends his bow,
         Let his arrows be as if cut in pieces.
Let them be like a snail which melts away as it goes,
         Like a stillborn child of a woman, that they may not see the sun. Psalm 58: 6-8

Today’s Reading: Psalms 57-59; Romans 4

Ohhh buddy! David sure is mad.

If you remember back to when we were reading Samuel you’ll remember that David had a whole lot to be mad about. The King STAYED trying to kill him. He pursued him to the point where David had to leave town, collect a militia from the unsavory elements of society, and live in caves till Saul died.

But good grief! Look at what he said up there. It’s beautifully written, but pretty dreadful. The best line is this:

Let them be like a snail which melts away as it goes,
Like a stillborn child of a woman, that they may not see the sun. Psalms 58:8

Ouch.

But you know what. This Psalm is actually very healthy.

Yes I know that probably sounds strange but hear me out. Remember during the story of David when he was dodging Saul’s attacks? He had several opportunities to kill him but he refused. Didn’t you wonder how he was able to refuse taking revenge? I know I did.

This is how. He put pen to paper. He was able to release the pain and anger in a constructive way. Instead of destroying his king by the sword, he released his anger through poetry and song.

I bet David would be a legendary rapper if he was alive today. Just as David spit his venom on page many of the MCs that I grew to love during my childhood did the same thing with their songs. They avoided the realities of their neighborhood by channeling them into art that would allow them to escape those realities. When I was a kid I used writing as my escape too. Poetry was my therapist and the pad and pen were the couch where I gave voice to my feelings.

Sometimes there are things about our reality that we cannot control and that can be infuriating. We can choose to deal with them in constructive or destructive ways. But before we seek revenge or act out on our feelings it is best to try to channel that negative energy into something positive. For people like me, rappers, and David it was writing. For others it has been therapy, creating art, cooking, talking to a loved, martial arts and other creative and social endeavors.

Find what allows your soul to sing and express yourself. If we can find that release then maybe we’ll be like David when the true test comes. Maybe we’ll have the strength to forgive when we have the power to exact revenge. 

It's The Heart That Counts

(for not the hearers of the law are just in the sight of God, but the doers of the law will be justified; for when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing them) – Romans 2:13-15

Today’s Reading: Psalms 51-53; Romans 2

This is one of the more fascinating things in the Bible.

I had a conversation with some folks recently about the whole Christianity, Jesus, salvation thing. They asked me what the Bible says about someone has never heard of Jesus? What then? Do they go to hell? That doesn’t seem right.

Well… read the passage above…. There’s your answer.

But what is more interesting to me is this notion that we are judged by what is in our hearts. It is whether or not someone shows the work of the law in their hearts, not what they say or do.

And as we’ve discussed before the law is very simple: love God and love your neighbor as yourself.

It is vey disappointing when we have people in our lives that say one thing and consistently act totally differently. Sure they might get over on folks in the beginning but reputations are not built by words. They are built by deeds. And not just deeds, but the consistent patterns that lie in the foundation of our actions.

These actions are dictated by our hearts. An angry and bitter person will only act nice for so long before that bitterness seeps out of its hiding place.

So it seems to me that the key here is to work on our hearts. If we look within and endeavor to grow in love and forgiveness for all of those around us, something magnificent will happen. Each decision to let go of the pain that we feel inside will result in an outpouring of love that will be there for the world to see through our actions.

The less pain we hold on to, the more love we can share.

This is one of the greatest challenges of life; forgiving when folks don’t deserve it, letting go without apology, trusting that the more we give love to the world, the more will come back to us.

It just takes that leap of faith to take that first courageous step.

So next time that you are struggling to forgive someone that has hurt you remember this. The quicker we are to forgive others, the more we will be able to give love. And in the giving of that love we in turn will receive more than we can imagine.  

Remembering 9/11, Remember to Love

I read this fantastic article this morning about 9/11 and it made me think of where I was on that fateful day. My mind went back to another time and place far from here but close to my heart.

I was in Fortaleza Brazil.

My great friend Kieran and I left the US on September third 2001 to begin our study abroad semester in Brazil. I remember feeling a mixture of happiness, excitement and fear as I headed to a land where I didn’t speak the language or know the people.

I decided to go there because Brazil has the largest population of black folks outside of Africa and is second only to Nigeria in having the largest population of black folks in a single nation. I wanted to see if our common ancestry as people of African Descent would lead to a common bond.

I had no idea that my world and the world as we knew it would be turned upside down in eight days.

The first week there was spent in orientation. The program focused on social justice so we spent that week reading about the different inequalities in the world. We read and discussed everything from inequalities of power, consumption of resources, poverty, and politics. On September 10^th we talked about what our role would be in helping to make the world a better place. It is our responsibility to help bring balance to the world. If we don’t do it, someone else will.

Then BOOM… the towers were hit.

As I sat there, watching the towers fall, live, on international news from thousands of miles away, I wondered what we as a country would do. Would we seek revenge and attack whoever we thought was responsible? Or, would we use this as an opportunity to seek understanding about why folks might sympathize with these attacks; regardless of how wrong they were.

Of course the rest is history.

Today, nine years later, a small church in Florida has decided to make an international statement by burning Qurans. There are many folks around the world who are infuriated by this. They not only blame this church but also our entire nation and my faith for this act of violent disrespect.

Of course as Americans we know that this is a very small group of people with very radical beliefs. We know that they do not represent the values of a majority of US citizens. Sadly, we cannot control how the acts of a few people are received by others. The US and Christianity have been smeared with the blame reserved for this small, socially irresponsible church.

But is this surprising? Didn’t many of us do the same thing? How many of us looked at Muslims differently based on the acts of the terrorists on 911? How many of us felt a twinge of fear when we were on a plane with folks that we thought were from the Middle East? How many of us treated Muslims as enemies when those particular people had done nothing to harm us?

We all must try hard to view the world and others through the loving lens of graceful forgiveness. We must try to remember that the acts of a few people, or even the acts of powerful organizations, do not represent the hearts and minds of everyone they claim to represent. We must try our best to give everyone a chance at love, a chance at peace, a chance at redemption.

After all… that is what we want right? We all want the chance to be viewed by the content of our character, not by the actions of another.

So on this important day let us remember to honor the sacrifices of all of those who have suffered as a result of the attacks and the wars that followed. But let us also remember to love.

Love is the answer. It is the only path toward peace.