A Convo with Kofi About Sex

So I wrote this post yesterday about the passages in 1 Cor 6 regarding sexual immorality. 

Shortly there after the homie Kofi hit me up on chat with some challenging questions and the following conversation ensued. I believe that one of the ways that God speaks to us is through those around us. 

My man Kof makes some good points... Enjoy

Kofi: haha...interesting, I gotta run, be back later. I just wanted to ask several Questions: Did you look at all the other verses having to do with sex before coming to the conclusion of permissibility? Have you considered 1 Cor 6:12 in the context of Matthew 5:28, 1 Cor 7:9, and Job 31:1? What do you think it means that sex is never discussed in the Bible in a positive way before marriage? Have you truly searched your spirit man for not just wisdom but 'understanding' on some 1 Cor 2 stuff (before writing this particular piece)? How explicit would the writers have to be to convince people that sex before marriage is sin, and would that be practical? Would it be spiritual? If even thinking lustfully at a woman is sin, how could actual sex not be? Is the lack of definition of sexual immorality a call for us to get away from seeing sin through adherence to ' 'law' and really seeking God's spirit rather than our human intellect to decide how we should live or who we should we?

me: haha just saw your comments. Let me read through them..

Did I look at all of the scriptures no. but I'm not even convinced that "fornication" is sex outside of marriage.

Regarding Matt: 5:28 adultery, by definition, implies that one has already entered into the marriage bond. Even so that is an impossible standard. I'm not sure if you read my entire post but I do submit to the fact that Paul is right about it being bad, assuming that he is talking about sex outside of marriage.

Regarding 1 Cor 7:9... look at verse 6 for context.. “I say this as a concession, not as a command.”

In both chapter 6 and 7 he is clear that this is not a command.

He is also clear in saying that this is wise and the best way to go... and I agree with him.

Job: 31:1: Wasn't Job married? Also this is not part of the Laws of Moses. I'm certain of that. It is a New Testament thing.

I'd argue that sex isn't discussed at all in terms of it being before marriage. I've seen sex discussed in marriage, in adultery, and with prostitutes. It may very well be the case that folk really weren't having sex with women outside of marriage (unless they were prostitutes) because it was such a taboo.

I have searched for wisdom on this. And I readily accept that I could be wrong but I felt compelled to write this because I'm not the only person thinking about it. If having a dialog about it means that I come out as being the one that is flawed then I'm ok with that. But I didn't want to shy away from writing about it just because I have problems with it (I almost punked out).

I do think it would have been practical to mention it explicitly. The old law is explicit about not having sex with animals and homosexuality... why not be explicit about this? In the New Testament verse I mentioned in the blog, Mark 10... I can see someone using that as a rationale… but still it is in the context of divorce and marriage. I don't understand why the Bible is explicit about so many other general aspects of sex and not this one.

The part about seeing God's spirit... you've got me there

Maybe this really speaks to the sickness of our society. I do not believe that it is ideal for human beings to be unmarried into their 30s... at the time folk were getting married in their teens… big cultural changes have occurred... again I'm not saying this to explain away the situation... but maybe our society is so sick that the sexual part of obedience is that much more trying.

Let's discuss further.

Kofi returned

me: well you made the point that I made in the second half of my post

 In terms of the will of God and what the spirit says on the matter, which makes the definition of "fornication" kinda a moot point

Kofi: I want to go back to a couple of points you made

me: ok

Kofi: I’m interested in the definition of adultery

me: INTERESTING

Kofi: adultery, as I interpret it in the bible does not mean marriage. From our reading of the whole book its essential meaning has to do with faithfulness to God

me: see… now that is what I have heard about fornication

  never about adultery

  

Kofi: well going back to Matthew 5

  and lustfulness

me: fornication meaning not putting anything before God

  ok

  listening

Kofi: to me Matthew 5 is really getting at God wanting us to be free of a lustful mind

  that's why he doesn't break it down into specific sex acts

  because if we could sniff each others butts to fulfill lustful mental desires

  we would do it

  like "God didn’t say we couldn’t do this"

to me marriage is part of what justifies sexual gratification in Gods eyes

me: hmmm

Kofi: because going back to adultery, and faithfulness,

  these fleshly bodies

  aren’t ours

  they're his

  bought with his blood

with his spirit inserted into those who receive it

coming together in lust, lust in itself being a sin, to me is definitely sin

me: still here listening FYI

Kofi: Rather than breaking down specifics, he focuses on lust, because it is an affliction of the spirit, that deals with all of the physical acts associated with it

me: great point

Kofi: like if you kiss a girl on the mouth, like I'm feeling you, I love you, shoot I love the God in you

  not necessarily lust

whereas if you kiss someone and you're like, "dang I just want to knock the stuffin’ out that English muffin"

  its lust

me: hahahaah

  is it possible to knock the stuffin out the english muffin in a "i love the God in you" kind of way without being married?

  j/k kinda

Kofi: hahahahaha

me: hahahahaha

Kofi: well in marriage, presuming a whole lot of other factors outside of the bounds of this convo, God's cosigned on the union

  we got justification

  its like, right now

  I'm still a sinner

  I'm just justified

  by his grace

Sex without marriage is Sex without the grace covering

  does that make it fall short of being actual sin?

  I dont think so, because sex without lusting

  dont exist

me: damn you

Kofi: I was thinking the exact same thing

  lol

  {damn me}

me: hahahahahhaa

  thank you for being a great friend

Kofi: thank you brotha, unlike Wesley Snipes in New Jack City, "I am my brothas keeper" (trying to be)

me: hahahaha thanks man

I still don't follow you on the expansive definition on adultery...

  but I do understand you taking the leap on the lustful mind

  adultery or not

  That's where the Holy Spirit comes in... cause otherwise it's impossible.

  The lustful mind part

Kofi: Got you, I got my concept about adultery from verses like Jeremiah 9:1-3 and Hosea 7:1-5

in which he calls people adulterers, for being unfaithful to him. You know how there's that verse about a married person's priority is their spouses and a single person's is God's business? He seems to be saying you're never really single. You're either in covenant with him, or him and your spouse, either way, your heart, mind, and body belong to him first.

me: I don't read these verses the same way

why isn't calling them adulterers just one extra thing they are all doing wrong?

 yeah that's 1 Cor 7

Kofi: well in Hosea 7 he says they are "all" adulterers

me: yes

  he says all in Jeremiah too

  maybe they all were just sexin’ all kinds of prostitutes and scalawags

Kofi: maybe, I think they were bad

  but as bad as we are

  we aint that bad

  and our generation is pretty terrible

me: hahaha

  yeah that's real

he makes it sound like Sodom 10.0!

  all kinds of unsavory, skullduggerous pandemonium

Pushing Through

Truly God is good to Israel,
         To such as are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
         My steps had nearly slipped.
For I was envious of the boastful,
         When I saw the prosperity of the wicked. Psalms 73:1-3

Today’s Reading: Psalms 72-73; Romans 9:1-15

I’ve been struggling with Psalms 73 all day long. I started reading it in the early afternoon but couldn’t get past the three verses above.

For some reason things kept getting in the way. At first I lost focus. I would get to the third verse and then my mind would go somewhere else. I didn’t like the music I was playing. And then I was hungry, so I made some food. And then after that I started gchatting and tweeting.

Then about an hour later I tried to read it again and started yawning before I finished the third verse. My eyes got heavy and I felt really tired so I decided to take a break.

After all I had already written a post today. This was number two. It can wait right?

So I started watching some programs on Netflix. Of course my fatigue disappeared immediately. Then I talked on the phone for a while and took a super long nap (really it was sleep but can you really call it that when the sun is out?).

So now here I am at home on a Saturday night staring at this passage again. I’ve talked about this issue before. Envy is like a cancer. When it overtakes us it whittles away at our energy and our drive. We end up spending the time that we should be using to pursue our dreams on focusing on the success of others.

But we’ve discussed this before right? So why am I so stuck on this Psalm? Is it because I think I have learned the lesson but I really haven’t? Is it because there is a hidden aspect to it that I still need to see?

I wasn’t sure.

What do I do in such situations? I ask for help (of course after I’ve exhausted myself with avoiding it through TV, chatting, and sleep). Fortunately for me the homie Kofi was online. I hit him up and we start talking about our weekends so far. Then I bring up my challenge and how I feel like God is trying to tell me something and won’t let me let go of this passage until I learn it.

Then Kofi says “yeah man, He doesn’t want us to frustrate his grace” and sent me this passage from Isaiah:

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
       he rises to show you compassion.
       For the LORD is a God of justice.
       Blessed are all who wait for him! – Isaiah 30:18

I was immediately hit with the answer. Yes the Psalm is very important for me to understand. We all need to be careful not to fall into the trap of envy.

But also what I learned today is that often times through avoiding what is right in front of us we can be our own worst enemy. We can be the ones who are standing in the way of our dreams.

Hopefully the next time I experience a challenge like I did today it won’t take me all day to follow through on the task set before me. Hopefully I will have the strength to push through when I feel the initial resistance.

No one said that the journey would always be easy.

Sigh…

Magical Motivation

The Spirit told Philip, "Go to that chariot and stay near it."

Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. "Do you understand what you are reading?" Philip asked.

"How can I," he said, "unless someone explains it to me?" So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. Acts 8:29-31

Today’s Reading: Job 8-10; Acts 8:26-10

As I told you before in The Great Challenge I have felt inspired to go after some things in my life that seem super daunting.

Well I started feeling a bit discouraged.

There’s this time between believing that you will receive something and actually receiving it. It is the battleground of faith. We start to think about these things that we are striving for and start to see impossibility where we once saw the possible. We start to doubt that we ever even had the original push, the original motivation to pursue the dream that is quickly fading away.

But when we are in that valley of doubt between the mountains of purpose and promise we are not alone. There is always something there to guide us.

For the Ethiopian above it was Phillip. For me it was some of you all.

On my post “The Lord Taketh Away?” Jared Jones suggested that I read the book of James. I asked for a specific reference then after a day or so I forgot about it. It was random enough right? “I’ll just get to James when I get to it” is what I thought to myself.

Then a couple of days ago I was talking to my girlfriend about feeling a bit discouraged and she quoted James 2:17 to me…

Hmmm… strange but probably a coincidence… even so, the conversation and the verse totally motivated me and I felt myself getting back on track.

But it didn’t stop there…

The next day I called my friend Kofi about one of these big projects I am working on and I told him about the two times I got hit with the book of James. Not only was he talking about me when I called but he also had his Bible in front of him open to chapter 5 of the book of James.

Ummmm… at this point it was clear that I needed to read the book of James.

So I started reading it last night and got through the first three chapters. I couldn't continue on because I was overwhelmed by how on point it was for where I am in my life and the tools I need to get where I need to go.

So much food for thought….         

I’m saying all of this to say that sometimes we get frustrated because we feel like we don’t have all of the right answers. And that is actually correct. We do not have them by ourselves.

But if we pay attention to those around us, pay attention to our deepest desires, and that little voice inside that continuously urges us to pursue our dreams; it will be easier and easier to see the miracles of life. It will be easier to see the next steps we need to take. It will be easier to have the courage to take them.

We are not alone in our triumphs or our troubles. There is always a helping hand to lead us to where we need to be. 

Friendship

While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. "Don't be afraid," he said. "My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this." The two of them made a covenant before the LORD. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.

Kofi is a great friend of mine. We met when we were visiting our respective colleges as high school seniors.

He has become one of the best men I know.

It’s funny because when we first met we talked about how neither of us were going to end up at the schools we were visiting. He was visiting Claremont McKenna and I was visiting Pomona College. We were both accepted at USC and were certain that we’d end up there. We even talked about the idea of rooming together at USC when we got there.

But God had different plans for us…

There were four other great people that I met on that trip and we all became great friends. We all decided to go to these small liberal arts schools because deep down we sensed that we had a magical connection. This became clear very early on in our freshman year but in 2008 I started to see the bigger plan of my friendship with Kofi start to unfold.

This was the year that I decided to read the Bible again and Kofi is the friend that I read it with. Our friendship grew exponentially. We were able to share our questions, feelings, experiences, and our insights. When I felt like quitting he built me up. When he felt like quitting I built him up.

It has always been hard for me to open up to people. Trust has never been something that has come easily…

But through that year Kofi really taught me what it means to be a friend. Friends are people who will build you up when you are down, bring you back to reality when you are full of foolish pride, are sounding boards for your problems and teach you how to listen when you care for their issues.

Friends love you enough to help you up when you fall, forgive you when you are flawed, encourage you to follow your dreams, ask the tough questions others are scared to ask, and love you like family.

It was through this experience of reading the Bible with him that I am able to better understand the friendship between Jonathan and David. Having someone that you that believe in and love for who they are and knowing that they accept you in the same way is powerful beyond measure.

We can be strong on our own, but how much stronger do we become with great people in our lives?

So I am taking this moment to recognize not only a great man but also a great friend. And you should too, because without him this blog would not exist.

Kof I salute you.

Today’s Reading: 1 Samuel 22-24; Luke 12: 1-31