The Ideal Woman: Too Good to be True?

Today's Reading: Proverbs 30-31; 2 Corinthians 11:1-15

So if you’ve been following along with me since the beginning you have probably seen that this good book seems to have an answer for pretty much everything.

No wonder it’s been around for a couple thousand years or so.

And here is yet another example.

Fellas, if you have ever wanted to know what kind of woman you should go after here is the blueprint.

Ladies, if you have ever wondered what kind of woman attracts the kind of man that the Bible says the fellas should be… take a look.

She seems almost impossible; like a mix between our mythical idea of Michelle Obama and Clair Huxtable from the Cosby Show. I mean really, who can live up to that?

(Yes I am aware that there is literature on how the role of Clair has affected how men and women relate to each other in some negative ways... but I digress.)

The thing that I love about this passage is that it isn’t about being able to be this "perfect" person. This passage, just like many of the others, is about what we are shooting for. Who do we want to become? Which examples do we choose to follow?

So, take a look at this description of the ideal woman… what do y’all think?

Ladies… is this even relevant for today?

Fellas…. Is this the kind of woman that you want? If so… do you think she wants YOU?! *rhetorical question/food for thought/Let’s step our game up*

Enjoy

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
   and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
   bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
   she provides food for her family
   and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
   her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
   and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
   and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
   for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
   she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
   where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
   and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I Pity the Fool

1 Like snow in summer or rain in harvest,
   honor is not fitting for a fool. 

3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey,
   and a rod for the backs of fools!
6 Sending a message by the hands of a fool
   is like cutting off one’s feet or drinking poison.
7 Like the useless legs of one who is lame
   is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.
9 Like a thorn bush in a drunkard’s hand
   is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.
10 Like an archer who wounds at random
   is one who hires a fool or any passer-by.
11 As a dog returns to its vomit,
   so fools repeat their folly.
12 Do you see a person wise in their own eyes?
   There is more hope for a fool than for them. – Various verses on fools From Proverbs 26

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 25-26; 2 Corinthians 9

So I was reading Proverbs 26 and I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean seriously… Solomon or whoever wrote this joint goes HARD on fools.

But you know what, it’s necessary. I know this because I have been the fool that he is describing. Fools are people who don’t heed advice. They think that they know everything so they tend to repeat the same mistakes.

Oh come on now, don’t act like I’m the only fool in this conversation. Y’all know that you have been foolish at times. Ok fine, since you may not want to admit it for your own life I’ll give you an example of a time when I was comically foolish. In typical male fashion it involved not following directions.

What made me think about this is that I finally got a desk for my room. Hooray for me! It’s only two years too late. Actually it’s quite amazing that I’ve made it through 300 of these things by writing on my laptop from random tables, sitting on the floor, or laying in my bed. But I digress.

So, today as I was putting together my table I made extra sure to follow the instructions. Sure all I had to do was screw the legs onto the table top but shoot… you never know. Sometimes the easiest tasks make you look the stupidest when you screw them up.

This happened to me a few years ago. I bought a bookshelf from IKEA to provide a humble abode for the only true treasures that I have.

My books… oh how I do love thee…

So the bookshelf was just as easy to put together as any other IKEA product. The process was just a bit longer as it had several parts that needed to be hammered and screwed together. No biggie. I’ve been putting stuff together for as long as I could remember. Even as a kid my Dad always had me help with such projects.

Simple.

Well I got to the end where I had to attach the top board. At this point I was on auto pilot. I knew where it was supposed to go, how it fit and it was a matter of just nailing in the screws. But I made a mistake… I nailed it in backwards!!!

Sure it still works but the mistake is obvious. I am not lost on the irony that the bookshelf that houses evidence of my intellectual prowess is foolishly flawed in its construction.

See difference in smooth side and rough top finish for my foolishness

We have many things that serve as instruction manuals for our lives. They take the form of loved ones who give sound advice, mentors who have been on the path we want to take, and other folks who have made mistakes that we want to avoid.

We become fools though when we start feeling ourselves a bit too much. We think we know it all and therefore stop seeking the guidance that helped us get to where we are. This is a common reason for why we experience setbacks on the paths of our purpose.

So try to remember not to get too full of yourself. Listen to those folks who have come before you. Do your due diligence. Read and research before you act. Sure you may know some things, but you definitely don’t know it all.

At least I know that I don’t.

Success!

Iconoclasts

Do not wear yourself out to get rich;
   do not trust your own cleverness. 

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone,
   for they will surely sprout wings
   and fly off to the sky like an eagle. Proverbs 23:4-5

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 22-24; 2 Corinthians 8

Several weeks ago I was at a party with some friends and one of them asked me if I had ever seen the show “Iconoclast” before. After being floored by the fact that I had not they went on to tell me about the concept of the show. The show features two very successful people from different disciplines and brings them together to have a conversation. It is a sort of a casual, mutual interview.

This sounded interesting. I’ve always found value in listening to highly successful people talk to teach other. They tend to share secrets to their mastery of success that an average Joe journalist could never tease out of them.

It’s one of those “it takes one to know one” kind of situations.

The episode of Iconoclast that my friend suggested that I watch was the one about Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Sir Richard Branson. Desmond Tutu is a famous activist and cleric who was a vocal opponent of Apartheid and a champion of peace and love around the globe. Richard Branson is the man behind Virgin Records and Virgin Airlines. He started as a guy who wanted to put out records from bands that he liked and became a billionaire entrepreneur who now wants to help regular folks become astronauts.

The fascinating thing about the episode is that it showed they have a genuine and long lasting friendship. Branson teased Desmond about things related to his priestly duties and not being able to swim. Tutu teased Branson about being filthy rich and his spirituality. They did this while laughing and splashing about in a pool on Branson’s private island.

The thing that touched me the most was when Desmond Tutu asked Branson what advice he would give to a young person who wants to be rich. Branson said that he would tell the kid not to have to goal of amassing great wealth, but rather to do something meaningful.

This struck me as being so incredibly true.

When we pursue what is meaningful to us then we receive more than just the material gain that may result form our endeavors. We also receive the fulfillment that comes from living out the purpose for our lives.

But when we pursue money we are chasing after something that does not have any life. And often times what occurs in this pursuit is that we leave our true lives behind to get this thing that we so desperately thought we wanted.

There is nothing wrong with money. Money is a great tool that can give us the material freedom do fully live our lives. But when we have our eyes fixed on it, things get out of balance.

This is a lesson that I am learning right now. Just like many of you a few extra dollars could do a brotha a world of good. But it is nice to be reminded that the most important thing is to go after what means most to us in this world.

Follow the path of your purpose with faith and courage and I’m sure that you’ll pick up enough coins along the way to meet all of your needs and wants.  

Standing On Solid Ground

Many claim to have unfailing love,
   but a faithful person who can find? – Proverbs 20:6

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 19-21; 2 Corinthians 7

I was playing around on twitter the other day and sent this message out:

“Putting your trust in people is gambling with your heart. It's not a safe bet.”

One of my friends quickly challenged the comment. She said, “but sometimes it’s a gamble worth making.”

We then went back and forth for a while on the topic. I realized that the problem is that my original tweet wasn’t really all that clear. I tried to explain what I meant but 140 characters or less can be quite limiting at times.

Then I came across the scripture above…

In my personal experience, the greatest disappointments have come when I have put too much trust in other people.

No I’m not talking about constructing walls so high and thick that no one ever gets to know who you are. That’s silly and really unhealthy. We should do our best to share ourselves with those that we love.

But what I am talking about is allowing someone to occupy a place in your life that they shouldn’t.

Usually this happens in a dating situation. You meet someone. They seem to be all kinds of incredible in ways that you never could have imagined. You start dating and you get close. You start to think that this is someone that you can open up to and finally you do. You even get past that honeymoon period and start to see the crust of them, you know, those kinda nasty and wack aspects of who they really are. Having seen their imperfections and shortcomings you still love them. In fact you love them even more.

This is a wonderful place to be. I am a firm believer in love. I always think that it is worth the risk to open up to it with the right person. But often times we don’t really stop to think about what this means. What position does this person have in your life? How much power do you allow them to have? How much do you rely on them? Do you at some point lose sight of yourself because you are focusing so intently on them?

For me God is the focus of my life. Growing up I remember hearing my dad constantly talk about the ideal marriage being a man and woman coming together under God. God is the head, the leader that both people are following. The man is not following the woman, nor the woman following the man.

When we tell someone that we love them, most of us mean it. When we say that we will be with that person forever, we mean it when we say it. But people change. People disappoint us and fall short. And this isn’t because they are mean or that they never loved us, but rather it is because we are all imperfect. This imperfection is what cannot be relied upon. We cannot have another human being as the rock, the foundation of our lives; because no matter how great that person is they will not always be there.

Plus that’s too much pressure on them anyway. I mean really, do you want to be the foundation of another person’s life? That’s really not a good look at all when you think about it.

I believe that love is the most important thing we can do in our lives. It is the proving ground of faith in its purest human form. What greater leap of faith is there that we can take than to love someone and decide to share our lives with them?

But this love does not require us to use that other person as the rock that we build our lives upon. We must never lose sight of the fact that those that we chose to love are our partners along life’s journey. They are not the destination.

For me the only leader that I seek to follow in this life is God. With that fact I feel all the more free to open my heart to loving those in my life. Because no matter what happens, I know that the foundation that I am building my life upon is the most solid ground possible. 

The Elevator

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

   but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Prov 17:22

The human spirit can endure in sickness,
   but a crushed spirit who can bear? – Proverbs 18:14

The tongue has the power of life and death,
   and those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 16-18; 2 Corinthians 6

He arrived at his office building at 7:59 am; two minutes away from being late to an important meeting.

“Why do I always do this?” he muttered to himself in exasperation as he ran furiously to the elevator; rummaging through his pockets as he reached the turnstile blocking his path to the elevator door. He wrestled the security badge from the deepest recesses of his pocket, placed it on the sensor and finally the green light appeared signaling that he may continue.

The far elevator door to the right was closing as he approached. “Please hold the elevator!” he screamed. But as he reached the elevator the door was nearly shut; yet still open enough to see the scoundrel furiously hitting the “close door” button.

“Damn it”

Resigned to defeat in his race against time he pressed the button to call down another elevator. Almost instantly he heard the familiar chime of another elevator readying itself for the next group of human cargo. Scanning the area in front of him he did not see any open doors so he turned around to look at the elevators on the left and there was one open with a woman’s head peeking out.

He hustled to the elevator and entered.

“Thank you for holding the door for me.”

“You’re welcome” she said sheepishly.

They remained in silence as the elevator sped up to the top of the building. In a few short moments they reached her floor and the doors opened.

“Thank you again for holding the elevator for me. That was really nice of you” he said. “I wish there were more people like you in the world.”

“You’re welcome” she muttered quickly as she shuffled nervously out of the elevator and onto her floor. She walked quietly to her desk in the back corner, unnoticed. As usual no one spoke to her as she passed boisterous cubical gossip and loud conversations about last night’s Lakers game.

She sat down at her desk, turned on her computer and took a deep breath. Then she rummaged in her bag and pulled out a weathered loose leaf notebook and flipped to the last written page. After reading over the tear stained words one more time she drew a large “X” over the entire letter she had written the night before. On the next page she wrote these words.

12/7/10

I met a stranger on the elevator this morning. He noticed me. He told me that he wished there were more people like me in the world.

I am so happy now.

I think I can make it through the day.

She closed the notebook, took another deep breath and exhaled a sigh of relieving peace. She logged into her computer and happily began the day that she never intended to finish.

Follow Your Heart

The blessing of the LORD brings wealth,
   without painful toil for it. Proverbs 10:22

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 10-12; 2 Corinthians 4

The scripture above hit me like a ton of bricks.

The first thing that I thought was man… I’m going about this all wrong. Upon further reflection “all” is too strong a word. After all I have done some things right in my life. We all have.

But the thing that struck me about the verse above was “without painful toil”. I didn’t understand that. I mean what is life in this world without pain? What is toil without pain? How could this verse be true?

Back when I was in Jr. High this song by Method Man called “Bring the Pain” was super popular. When asked about why he talked about pain he said something to the effect that pain is universal. Everyone knows pain.

And that is true. We all know pain.

So what the heck is this verse talking about? I know that it is not saying we will never experience pain in our lives. But it is saying that the blessings of the Lord bring wealth without painful toil for it. Of course wealth doesn’t just come in the form of material goods but also wisdom, as well as emotional and spiritual well-being just to name a few.

And now it is coming together as I write these words. This is a final piece in the puzzle I have been putting together with all of these blog posts. I have talked a lot about purpose and staying true to the desires that God has put in our hearts. I have talked about staying focused and disciplined, persevering when times seem tough. But now I am seeing the piece that brings it all into focus.

The more obedient we are to the purpose for our lives, the easier life becomes. 

Much of the difficulty that we have in our lives is created by the choices we make. We are so focused on figuring out how to do things our way that we are blind to the fact that the ideal path is right in front of us. We would see it if we freed ourselves from the shackles of the mind, and started to look at our lives through the lenses of our spirit and heart.

You already know what you are supposed to do because it is the thing that you most deeply desire for yourself. It is the thing that you think is impossible, or are too afraid to try because you don’t know what failure would mean. It is the thing that would bring you into greatest harmony with the world and your spirit. It is the thing that will bring you the most life affirming joy.

Say yes to that calling. Obey its demands even if they seem impossible. Take bold steps into the desires of your heart even if you don’t know exactly where those steps will take you.

The path will be paved by grace. Before you know it, you will have achieved the dream that you thought was impossible and hardly broken a sweat along the way.  

Don't Be Lazy

Go to the ant, you sluggard;
   consider its ways and be wise!
It has no commander,
   no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
   and gathers its food at harvest.

How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
   When will you get up from your sleep? 

A little sleep, a little slumber,
   a little folding of the hands to rest— 

and poverty will come on you like a thief
   and scarcity like an armed man. - Proverbs 6:6-11

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 6-7; 2 Corinthians 2

I had dinner with my mom the other day and the topic of my childhood came up. On previous occasions we have talked about how difficult I was as a child. I was never really THAT bad. I didn’t break stuff or really get into anything crazy. But I was strong willed to say the least.

Ok I’ll keep it real. I was stubborn as all get out.

But in this convo she said something that I haven’t heard her say before. We were talking about how I was always naturally inquisitive about many things as a child but when I wasn’t interested in a given topic it was a whole other matter.

She said I was lazy. Rough game…

Mildly insulted but simultaneously amused, I tried to put a different spin on it. I retorted that I did good in the things I was interested in. So when it came to school it wasn’t that I was lazy, I just wasn’t interested in those classes (at least that’s what I told myself for years until recently).

“No” she said, “you were lazy!” Then she laughed at me!

The audacity my mom has!

I thought about this for the next couple of days and I realized that she was right. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I started learning the value of hard work. I was one of those kids that just did what I had to do and fought to not even do that much. Why work hard when it wasn’t necessary, especially if it didn’t really matter?

That was my logic as a child and even for several years as an adult. But being in the “real world” taught me the truth. It doesn’t matter how smart or talented you are, you MUST work hard.

The difference between potential and true success is the amount of hustle one is willing to put into their craft. There are plenty of brilliant minds walking the streets homeless or stuck in day jobs because, for whatever reason, they couldn’t figure out the best way to cultivate their discipline.

Discipline is a constant journey of spiritual growth. The more we mature in discipline, the better our lives become.

The journey along the path of our purpose requires extreme discipline at every step. Often times the dreams that we carry in our hearts have never been done the way that we envision them. If we are going to blaze a new trail in this world we gotta take out our machetes and get to work cutting a clear path to travel upon.

It’s all good though. It may seem hard or even impossible but as long as you remember that all things are possible then you can have the faith to keep taking those steps forward.

Every day is an opportunity to take another step toward who you want to become.

Seize the day. Don’t be lazy. 

God's Feminine Side

Blessed are those who find wisdom,
   those who gain understanding,
for she is more profitable than silver
   and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies;
   nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
   in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways,
   and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
   those who hold her fast will be blessed.

By wisdom the LORD laid the earth’s foundations,
   by understanding he set the heavens in place; 

by his knowledge the watery depths were divided,
   and the clouds let drop the dew. Proverbs 3:13-20

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. – John: 1:1-4

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 3-5; 2 Corinthians 1

For a long time there was something that bothered me. Where was the femininity in God?

I was raised with the idea that there was God the father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit; The Holy Trinity. How these three things come together can be confusing (and probably is so for most Christians… keep it real) but what I never understood was why the feminine side wasn’t represented.

Of course I too am schooled in the understanding of how male dominated societies have for years written their histories from the male perspective to the subjugation of women; but I always felt that there was a hidden truth here. I always felt that there was something tucked away in the passages that would reveal this truth.

Wisdom is God’s feminine side.

When I read the passages above from Proverbs 3 it became all the more clear. Wisdom is always referred to as “She”. She was there when heaven and earth were created. By her all that we know was created. When I think of this idea in light of the fact that every child was brought into the world by a woman… it really made perfect sense. Of course all of creation comes from God’s feminine side. How can it not? 

But then what is the role of man? Instantly I thought of the passage above from John 1. John is talking about Jesus of course but this idea of the Word being God and with God is fascinating. And then the Word manifests as a son which is male.

In the creation story it is said that God spoke the world into existence. “Let there be light” and it was. But it was through wisdom that God spoke these creative words. This marriage of masculine and feminine, Word and Wisdom is the seed of all creation. When we apply our wisdom to life and speak out into the world the things that we want to happen then we are planting our very own seeds of creation.

The important part of this is that both sides must be there. We must fully embrace the masculine and feminine within each of us. We must seek wisdom and boldly proclaim the desires of our hearts. And we must use our thoughts and actions together to fertilize and water that seed until it grows and blossoms into what we dreamed it would be.

This is where the Holy Spirit comes in. It is the fountain of God’s wisdom. We can search inside ourselves and find that little piece of God that we all share. And through this connection we can make the impossible possible.

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit… the masculine and feminine all wrapped into one.

God can be father or mother because God can be anything that we need God to be. But regardless of how you see God… never forget to embrace both sides of God, and therefore both sides of you.

Find the balance that works best for you.       

Proverbs

Photo by Tim Graveson

The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:

for gaining wisdom and instruction;
   for understanding words of insight;
for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,
   doing what is right and just and fair;
for giving prudence to those who are simple,
   knowledge and discretion to the young—
let the wise listen and add to their learning,
   and let the discerning get guidance—
for understanding proverbs and parables,
   the sayings and riddles of the wise.

 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
   but fools despise wisdom and instruction. – Proverbs 1: 1-7

Today’s Reading: Proverbs 1-2; 1 Corinthians 16

I love Proverbs.

It is definitely one of my favorite books in the Bible. Years ago when I was doing a lot of reading on human interaction I read through some of the classic texts on the subject. I read The Prince, The Art of War, The Book of Five Rings, 48 Laws of Power, the sayings of Confucius and many many more.

I found them all wildly intriguing. It was like I was putting myself through a Ph.D in what I though was how the world works. But then when I came back to the Bible again I became reacquainted with Proverbs.

Those other books don’t begin to approach the truth that lies within Proverbs.

I remember at this time getting into one of those deserted island conversations. The question was if you could bring only one book with you to a deserted island, which would you choose? I said that I would bring only the book of Proverbs. Sure I could bring an entire Bible, that might make more sense; but this is how important I think this book is. I believe that one could read a chapter a day (there are 31 chapters) and learn something new every single day for the rest of their life.

So if you have any questions about how you should live your life I’m willing to bet that you can find it in the 31 chapters of Proverbs. If you cannot find what you are looking for then I humbly submit that you may not be ready to find it.

Truth is too heavy for us to pick up sometimes, even if it is sitting right in front of us. 

The Psalms

Today’s Reading: Psalms 1-3; Acts 17: 1-15

Psalms has always been one of those books that I have kind of taken for granted. It wasn’t until recently that I started to understand how valuable they are.

Proverbs are my bread and butter. Part of it comes from my background in philosophy and my outside studies of different books of wisdom. But also another part of it is the form that they are written in. The Proverbs are very specific and direct. They provide guidance, advice, and instruction in a way that is undeniable and unambiguous.

The psalms are quite different. I am starting to understand their importance in my life in a very specific way. They provide me with guidance but in an emotional and spiritual sense. This isn’t to say that the proverbs don’t do this, but the Psalms speak directly to my heart. Much like Job, they articulate things that I have felt but couldn’t express. They are filled with joy and sadness, pain and pleasure, fear and courage.

They are a collection of the range of human experiences and emotions. It is impossible for anyone to read them and not see themselves in at least one of them.

That’s pretty powerful for works that are thousands of years old.

It wasn’t until I started really facing my feelings and my fears in an honest way that I was able to feel what the psalms were talking about. The honesty in them requires a certain level of openness and courage within the reader to face all aspects of who they are. That is something that I am still working on.

So hopefully you will enjoy them as I am learning to and feel free to teach me what I don’t know.

Cause oh buddy is there a whole heck of a lot that I don’t know.