Friday, December 10, 2010

Standing On Solid Ground

Many claim to have unfailing love,
   but a faithful person who can find? – Proverbs 20:6

I was playing around on twitter the other day and sent this message out:

“Putting your trust in people is gambling with your heart. It's not a safe bet.”

One of my friends quickly challenged the comment. She said, “but sometimes it’s a gamble worth making.”

We then went back and forth for a while on the topic. I realized that the problem is that my original tweet wasn’t really all that clear. I tried to explain what I meant but 140 characters or less can be quite limiting at times.

Then I came across the scripture above…

In my personal experience, the greatest disappointments have come when I have put too much trust in other people.

No I’m not talking about constructing walls so high and thick that no one ever gets to know who you are. That’s silly and really unhealthy. We should do our best to share ourselves with those that we love.

But what I am talking about is allowing someone to occupy a place in your life that they shouldn’t.

Usually this happens in a dating situation. You meet someone. They seem to be all kinds of incredible in ways that you never could have imagined. You start dating and you get close. You start to think that this is someone that you can open up to and finally you do. You even get past that honeymoon period and start to see the crust of them, you know, those kinda nasty and wack aspects of who they really are. Having seen their imperfections and shortcomings you still love them. In fact you love them even more.

This is a wonderful place to be. I am a firm believer in love. I always think that it is worth the risk to open up to it with the right person. But often times we don’t really stop to think about what this means. What position does this person have in your life? How much power do you allow them to have? How much do you rely on them? Do you at some point lose sight of yourself because you are focusing so intently on them?

For me God is the focus of my life. Growing up I remember hearing my dad constantly talk about the ideal marriage being a man and woman coming together under God. God is the head, the leader that both people are following. The man is not following the woman, nor the woman following the man.

When we tell someone that we love them, most of us mean it. When we say that we will be with that person forever, we mean it when we say it. But people change. People disappoint us and fall short. And this isn’t because they are mean or that they never loved us, but rather it is because we are all imperfect. This imperfection is what cannot be relied upon. We cannot have another human being as the rock, the foundation of our lives; because no matter how great that person is they will not always be there.

Plus that’s too much pressure on them anyway. I mean really, do you want to be the foundation of another person’s life? That’s really not a good look at all when you think about it.

I believe that love is the most important thing we can do in our lives. It is the proving ground of faith in its purest human form. What greater leap of faith is there that we can take than to love someone and decide to share our lives with them?

But this love does not require us to use that other person as the rock that we build our lives upon. We must never lose sight of the fact that those that we chose to love are our partners along life’s journey. They are not the destination.

For me the only leader that I seek to follow in this life is God. With that fact I feel all the more free to open my heart to loving those in my life. Because no matter what happens, I know that the foundation that I am building my life upon is the most solid ground possible. 


  1. Man of God,
    Isn't the whole point of being in love and pursuing love about having a mutual respect and "understanding" for one another? However, I do agree that no one should ever have more power over you than God. When love is shared between two people, it’s a mutual thing, not a phantom of what could be.

    It undeniably is.....

    We all struggle with the thought of being in a lopsided relationship and caring more for the other person, but when you've got someone who loves you back; willingly love them even more.

    Call me a sucker, but I just believe in love and being willing to do whatever it takes to keep the "love that was found", even if the relationship with that person is different. I want to demonstrate my love as if my life depended on it, because it does.

    However, if the other person is not of the same desire as you and their not willing to put it ALL on the table and risk something for LOVE, then shut it down. Simply because Love doesn't cost you anything to find, but it will cost you everything to keep.


  2. This is absolutely one of my favorite blog posts by you! It truly sums up love in that God is LOVE!

    To re-iterate my DM to you, I loved the blog and your perspective. Although I know God is Love, I've never fully looked at what being in
    love fully entails in a Godly perspective(what it really means to have someone else be the foundation of your life). God is completely the foundation of my life in every aspect, but I'm not gonna lie, when it comes to love and my heart, I think I (we) sometimes forget that (ie love is blind).

    You hit it right on when you said "those that we chose to love are our partners along life’s journey. They are not the destination." The ultimate destination to your journey in life is to be with God. Who we choose to love and share this journey with makes our travels that much more fulfilling. To be able to, in every step of the way, walk and live for God while experience a deep and personal love for each other ... that's purely amazing! ... and it's ALL God!

    To rephrase my twitter reply to your post, the risk of love is worth the gamble, but like you said, what does that really mean, to risk, open up? ... I believe that comes with time, experience and the will of God.

    There is nothing like His firm foundation and really knowing His is Love, which frees us from what the world states love is. This in turn allows us to love ourselves and those around us.

    Thanks C!

  3. there is no one in this world with whom I have had any kind of relationship whom I have not let down at least once and who has never let me down. Perfection seems to be an unachievable standard toward which it is worth my striving. I'm afraid that we hominids will just have to learn to love and accept ourselves as is--works in progress. Squeeze me hard enough and bad behavior will always pop out. And sometimes it's not a very hard squeeze. God is different.

  4. @Nicole I feel the same way. I'm one of those sappy romantics that is willing to take chance on love over and over again. My point here is that we need to make sure that we don't turn our loved ones into idols...

    @eeden07 "There is nothing like His firm foundation and really knowing His is Love, which frees us from what the world states love is. This in turn allows us to love ourselves and those around us." yes!!!!

    @George So true...

  5. God gives us "the journey" to enjoy. Love is one of our journey's rewards. God is with us throughout our journey. Love is not.

    Trust God. Believe in love.



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