Pushing Through

Truly God is good to Israel,
         To such as are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
         My steps had nearly slipped.
For I was envious of the boastful,
         When I saw the prosperity of the wicked. Psalms 73:1-3

Today’s Reading: Psalms 72-73; Romans 9:1-15

I’ve been struggling with Psalms 73 all day long. I started reading it in the early afternoon but couldn’t get past the three verses above.

For some reason things kept getting in the way. At first I lost focus. I would get to the third verse and then my mind would go somewhere else. I didn’t like the music I was playing. And then I was hungry, so I made some food. And then after that I started gchatting and tweeting.

Then about an hour later I tried to read it again and started yawning before I finished the third verse. My eyes got heavy and I felt really tired so I decided to take a break.

After all I had already written a post today. This was number two. It can wait right?

So I started watching some programs on Netflix. Of course my fatigue disappeared immediately. Then I talked on the phone for a while and took a super long nap (really it was sleep but can you really call it that when the sun is out?).

So now here I am at home on a Saturday night staring at this passage again. I’ve talked about this issue before. Envy is like a cancer. When it overtakes us it whittles away at our energy and our drive. We end up spending the time that we should be using to pursue our dreams on focusing on the success of others.

But we’ve discussed this before right? So why am I so stuck on this Psalm? Is it because I think I have learned the lesson but I really haven’t? Is it because there is a hidden aspect to it that I still need to see?

I wasn’t sure.

What do I do in such situations? I ask for help (of course after I’ve exhausted myself with avoiding it through TV, chatting, and sleep). Fortunately for me the homie Kofi was online. I hit him up and we start talking about our weekends so far. Then I bring up my challenge and how I feel like God is trying to tell me something and won’t let me let go of this passage until I learn it.

Then Kofi says “yeah man, He doesn’t want us to frustrate his grace” and sent me this passage from Isaiah:

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
       he rises to show you compassion.
       For the LORD is a God of justice.
       Blessed are all who wait for him! – Isaiah 30:18

I was immediately hit with the answer. Yes the Psalm is very important for me to understand. We all need to be careful not to fall into the trap of envy.

But also what I learned today is that often times through avoiding what is right in front of us we can be our own worst enemy. We can be the ones who are standing in the way of our dreams.

Hopefully the next time I experience a challenge like I did today it won’t take me all day to follow through on the task set before me. Hopefully I will have the strength to push through when I feel the initial resistance.

No one said that the journey would always be easy.

Sigh…