Meditation Day 6: A Tough Day

Today's Reading: Matthew 6:25-34 Don't Worry


Day six was a doozy.

I have gotten over the physical withdrawals from my addition to fast food but mentally and spiritually I was feeling down. I had all kinds of things on my mind but I didn’t see resolution in sight for any of them.

With this feeling I decided to go to the gym. Before I left I switched up my playlist to hopefully inject some new life into my workout. Armed with this new arsenal of tunes I ran to the gym.

I started with my personal capoeira regimen but about ten minute into it I started feeling sick. Thank God that feeling passed and I was able to push through and carry on. As I was training I felt totally robotic. I didn’t feel connected at all to my body spiritually. I haven’t been training lately so the movements I was doing felt foreign. They weren’t coming to me second nature as they had in the past.

But mainly I could feel a spiritual block. This whole week was about fasting to get back in full contact with God, but it has been a difficult process. So at this time I decided to switch to the new play list that I made.

And then two songs came on my ipod shuffle: Tennessee by Arrested Development and Champion by Kanye West.

Arrested Development’s album 3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days in the life of… Was the first CD I ever bought as a child and had a profound impact on my taste in music for years to come. Tennessee is one man’s prayerful journey with God in search of understand about what is going on around him. I was struck by how much I personally identified with the message. It hit me pretty hard.

Next was Champion. There was a particular part of this song that really hit me hard as well.

When it feels like living is harder than dying

For me, giving up is way harder than trying

Man.

There was something about the mixture of listening to the two songs that not only summed up my frustrations but also gave me fuel and hope to complete these projects that have been weighing heavily on my spirit. I nearly broke down from the feeling of joy that I had in my spirit.

Finally, after about 45 minutes of capoeira training where I felt like a robot my body finally relaxed and let loose. I felt inspiration fill me up and release the shackles of fear that were hidden inside me. I started feeling like a champion.

I ran home from the gym still with this champion feeling. I relaxed, stretched, showered and collected my thoughts. I decided that I would go to the grocery store as I needed some more “yeast free” friendly food to sustain me. After all I can’t live on eggs alone right?

So I jumped in the car, grocery list in hand, and made my way to the store. I bought all of my groceries, packed them into the trunk and got back in the car.  Then I turned the ignition…

Crank crank crank…. It won’t start.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

I sat there for about 30 minutes, intermittently trying to start the car to no avail. Finally I gave in and called AAA again. I was furious. All of the positive energy of the afternoon workout was gone. I was hungry and felt powerless to change my situation. The tow truck folks finally came though they had no starter fluid to get me going. Humbly I submitted to the fact that I would have to get the car towed home.

I got home unpacked the groceries, ate and then sat with my thoughts. I was in a pretty foul mood. Why in the heck was all of this happening? Why did my car start to go to the store only for it not to start when I came back? I started to think about worst case scenarios. How much it will cost to get fixed, do I have the money, what will I do in the meantime without my whip at my disposal?

Good thing I’m the king of the metro in Cali, otherwise I’d be screwed!

With this woe is me attitude I started reading this book about Martin Luther King’s life that I have been reading for several weeks now. At this point in the book they are strategizing on how best to do their voter registration drive. I read about at least 10 churches burned down by disgruntled whites, furious that a handful of black folks had the audacity to try to claim their constitutional right to vote.

And then I thought to myself… my troubles ain’t nothing compared to this.

With these thoughts I went to sleep. I asked God to help me keep a proper perspective and to give me peace. I asked him for help with my car and with all that I am supposed to do. I asked for discernment and wisdom to walk the path that He has laid out for me.

Somewhere in the middle of praying I feel asleep.

Today’s Meals:

Breakfast: Slept through breakfast

Lunch: Egg Scramble with tomatoes, onions, and spinach.

Dinner: Rotisserie Chicken, sautéed spinach with fresh garlic, and butternut squash.

Beverage: Water

Meditation Day 5: My Halloween Adventure

Today's Reading: Matthew 5-7

The last few years I haven’t gone out on Halloween but this year I said, “hey, why not switch it up and have fun with the homies?”

So I decided that I would go out.

In typical Clarence fashion I had no idea what I would wear as a costume. My buddy Kenneth shot me a link to a costume shop owned by one of his friends and I flipped through it during the afternoon. Good gracious there are a lot of costumes out there, but nothing in particular tickled my fancy. I decided that I would just go on Saturday to look at the costumes in person. Maybe then I would be motivated to make a decision. There was a party that I RSVP’d for on Saturday so I figured I would have plenty of time to figure it out.

Oh, but I was wrong… the party was actually on Friday! Drats.

I realized this fact at around 6pm when I got home from work. With no costume and very little time I perused my closet for a make shift solution. I was talking to one of my buddies on the phone and he said, hey why not just throw on that dashiki you have and call it a day.

Done and done.

With my sad excuse of a costume in hand I prepared for the evening. I had a questionable feeling about how the night would go. This usually happens around the same time on the night of a Halloween party. In the past I obeyed that feeling but tonight I said screw it. I’m gonna go out and kick it with the fellas

In the end I’m glad I did.

I arrived at the party at around 10pm with PERFECT timing. My friends got there a bit earlier and were already in the front of the line. This kind of thing happens with my friends and I. We have a knack for showing up at places at the right time, or having a series of coincidences work in our favor. It is something that I have relied on for the past ten year actually. If science gets to the point where they can measure spiritual energy I would bet twenty dollars that there is a tangible explanation for it.

But I digress.

So I slide into the front of the line with them and in we go! The party was at a nice venue. I have been there before for other events and I figured that it would be just right. It’s that perfect size between lounge and club that allows folks to dance if they want to or chill and talk if they want to without affecting the entire mood of the place. 

So we stride in together. One friend is a human Twister game (of course he got spun and touched the entire night).  Yohance was Thriller. He had the MJ jacket and the thriller werewolf mask. My buddy Kieran was “love sick”. Hahaha ok he’s the homie of the crew who instead of dressing as a character he dresses as a theme. He was in a hospital gown with an arrow through his heart. He also had a fake hospital bracelet that stated his diagnoses as love sick. To cap it off, he had a blonde wig and some fake white butt cheeks hanging out of the back of the hospital gown. It was utterly ridiculous and totally awesome at the same time.

We got there kind of early and just hung out as the place filled up. In typical LA fashion the place was full of scantily clad, beautiful people. It was just what was to be expected from a Halloween bash.

Of course because of my fast I could not drink. This changed the game entirely. The thing that is great about drinking is that it is a social lubricant. You can drink a bit, loosen up and just settle into the goings on of the environment. However, since I was completely sober and drinking their dreadful tap water I remained detached for the first several hours stuck in observation.

The highlight of the night was a fellow who was dressed as Randy Watson, lead singer of the group Sexual Chocolate from the Black Awareness Rally scene of Coming to America. If you are unfamiliar, shame on you.

Soon afterwards three of my other friends showed up. My buddy Larry and his fiancé came dressed as cops from Reno 911. Larry was the cop who wears the questionably tight uniform… yes he was clowned. No he did not care. The homie Dez had a theme based costume as well. He was the world’s worst DJ. He had big Mickey Mouse hands, a discombobulated assortment of not so trendy clothing, a matted wig reminiscent of a too dry jheri curl and the worst combination of vinyl records you could have as part of a DJ set. (Barbara Streisand, We Are the World etc). Hahaha it was funny and smart.

The DJ started off kinda weak but oh buddy did he pick it up. We were having a grand old time, but then I started to survey the room again. When I looked at the facial expressions of folks and how groups were interacting it was quite fascinating. The sexual energy was palpable. Folks were looking to take strangers home, or get taken home; with their unmentionables on display to advertise their product to would be suitors. Of course this is not different than walking down the street any other day, but with Halloween it is amplified ten fold.

There was something sad to me about it. Those most boldly projecting this energy seemed the saddest. They didn’t seem to dance to enjoy themselves. They danced for attention. They glanced around constantly trying to lock eyes with would be partners for sexual shenanigans. Part of me gets it, but part of me doesn’t anymore. I guess I am just at a place in my life where that isn’t appealing to me. It’s hard for me to be extremely attracted to anyone without first having a conversation, without first getting to know the person’s mind and spirit. I’m not saying that I am better or worse than anyone else. It‘s just different.

The DJ started playing some nonsense again around 1:30 am so it was time for me to kick rocks. As I said my goodbyes and headed to my car I reflected on the night. I was glad that I went out and glad that the bad feeling I had earlier ended up being for naught.

I made my way up to the third floor parking structure of the Beverly Center where I parked my car, paid for my parking, got in the car and tried to turn it on.

Crank crank crank…

Dangit! My car won’t start. I tried to push it myself to a speed where I could pop the clutch but no dice. There was no slope. My first thought was that I don’t have money to be spending on a tow or an unexpected trip to the mechanic. Why in the heck is this happening anyway? I rarely drive my car, it’s in great condition!

Then it hit me… yeah… I rarely drive my car… that’s the problem.

There was something wrong with the fuel delivery during the starting process. The same thing happened after I tried to start the car after not driving it when my ankle was broken. I called AAA they came and got me going. Of course I had to wait an hour for them to come.

During that hour of waiting I talked to God. I started to ask him why is this happening? Is this because I ignored the questionable feeling I had before going out? Why now? Why didn’t it happen when I started the car to drive out there (it did struggle to start though). I asked God to PLEASE not let there be something seriously wrong with my car. PLEASE. He responded and told me to relax. Ain’t nothing wrong. I just don’t drive it as much as it needs to be driven. Oh and also, get a tune up fool.

I finally start heading home. I thought a lot about the questionable feeling that I had earlier in the day, the good time I had at the event and my car not starting and I realized something. Some of us believe that life is a series of coincidences. Others believe that the random things that happen in our lives are predestined. As for me, I think that it is impossible to really know. Our minds are great tools to help us understand the world around us and the rules we have come up with to govern our society. But they aren’t really adequate tools to determine the purpose of things. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try. I try all the time.

Last night was an annoying, yet amusing, reminder that for as much as I like to think I know what’s going on in the world, as much as I think I sense all kinds of things before they happen, as much as I like to guess about the purpose that God has for every event, I really don’t have the slightest idea.

The feelings we get should not be ignored but we also need to use common sense. We need to allow for the possibility that we have no idea where we are and where we are going. This is where faith comes in for me. Sometimes I gotta just relax, release the illusion of control and just let it ride.

I made it home safe, an hour later than I expected but perhaps right on time.

And I didn’t spend a dime (besides parking).

Will I go out again Saturday night… I’m not sure… I don’t much fancy the idea of my car not starting again. We shall see.

Today’s Meals:

Breakfast: Oatmeal

Lunch: A burrito bowl without the sauce. Chicken, black beans, rice, tomatoes, lettuce.. Tasty!

Dinner: Scrambled Eggs with Spinach

Beverage of the Day: Water

Meditation Day 4: Living in the Present

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Today’s Reading: Matthew 5-7

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be present. I remember a few years ago I was reading The Power of Now while also reading through the Bible again. The book was interesting. It was talking about how important it was to be present.

When I came to the passage from Matthew above I put that book down and never picked it back up.

I was surprised to see that same message in the Bible, out of Jesus’ mouth no less. It was an issue that really spoke to me because it is so hard me. I constantly lived in the past and the future. I’m naturally a very analytical person. I have always tried to use the past to understand what I should do in the future. But rarely did I allow myself to just “be” in the present.

This led to a whole lot of unnecessary worry and stagnation. I was like a deer in headlights in my life. I knew that there were moves that I could and maybe should have made but I just couldn’t make them. I was too afraid, and at the same time moving too fast mentally with my constant predictions and preparations for what might come my way.

Now I am learning the importance of calm. My first glimpses of it where when I was in high school playing basketball. I used to hear NBA greats like Magic Johnson refer to the game slowing down. They got to this point where everything would slow down so much that they could find spots that no one else could see. I was starting to see that. I realized that although I was quicker than most players, it didn’t get me the results I wanted. When I calmed down and slowed my pace I was able to see more of what was happening. I was able to dissect the environment and make the best decisions.

I didn’t start to see that again until I trained capoeira. I reached a certain level and seemed to plateau. I knew how to do the basic movements. I thought I was better than people who were moving up but yet my master didn’t agree. He just told me to work harder.

So I did and I got more and more comfortable. Then his instructions changed. He kept telling me to be calm. CALMA! Is what he’d say when I was playing in the roda. I knew what the word meant but I had no idea what he meant by it. So one day I asked him. He only gave me a few words but he told me that when I relaxed I would see more.

So I tried it and I was able to see what he was talking about. I played some of the best capoeira of my life. I was seeing things I had never seen before. My perspective was totally changing and it stayed this way until I broke my ankle.

That really sucked. But when I look back on that time it was a blessing in disguise. I don’t think that God struck my ankle down or any such foolishness, but now I see that that time of being handicapped forced me to sit still in life. It gave me an opportunity to stop doing what I had always done with running around feverishly in the future and the past trying to figure out my present.  But I still didn’t fully get it. The frustration of sitting still overshadowed the truth.

But now in this week of fasting I am starting to see it again. Just like with basketball and capoeira before I am seeing how much I truly need calm to stay in the present in my life. I am seeing clearly now how the path towards faithful peace leads to true enlightenment. If we can just sit still for a second and reflect on what IS, rather than on what was or what will be, we will have the ability to step out of the fog of worry and into the clarity of mind to act on faith to create the future we desire.

So right now I am finally calming down and sitting still. And I am seeing things take shape. I’m looking forward to what the future will bring.

Today's Meals

Not so balanced but I did adhere to the rules.

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs

Lunch: grilled chicken, brown rice, and veggies (hooray for rice!)

Dinner: scrambled eggs with spinach (I need to lay off the eggs… in related news I need to go to the grocery store)

Meditation Day 3: The Body Temple

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Today’s Reading; Matthew 5-7

For the last several days my back has been hurting a lot. Of course much of that has to do with the fact that I work a job that has me sitting for eight hours a day. It also doesn’t help that I come home and sit for at least two more hours when I write.

But the main reason is that I haven’t been honoring my body.

You know how it goes. Life gets busy, things get stressful and you start to neglect things. Normally I work out like a fiend, but lately I haven’t had the energy. So yesterday when I got home super late after putting in extra time at work I realized that I gotta do something about this.

And then I remembered how I used to stretch as a form of meditation.

Stretching is very important to me. Since grew up playing basketball my body was trained to be more explosive than flexible. When I made the change from basketball to capoeira my lack of flexibility was painfully exposed.

Over the past three years or so, as I became more serious about my faith, I also became much more serious about my health. To me they go hand in hand. If the body is a temple then of course we should not only keep the temple clean but we should also improve it right? What good is a clean temple if it cannot withstand the earthquakes of life? As we prepare ourselves to fulfill the huge purposes that God has for our lives we have to not only be mentally and spiritually ready, but also physically ready.

Yesterday I realized how much I had fallen off on the physical part, so after I got home and ate I decided to get my stretch on (If you have never stretched in a focused, organized way I suggest you pick up this book. It is a great resource). After the first fifteen minutes of stretching my hips, legs and back I felt brand new. I felt my blood flowing much more freely in my body. I could feel different muscles in my body waking up. My body was smiling.

Christianity, as it was taught to me growing up, focuses a lot on our bodies in relation to sin; especially sexual sin. While it is important to make sure that we honor ourselves with the choices that we make with our sexuality I find it sad that we tend to get stuck here on the negative. Why don’t we discuss having a positive relationship with our bodies in other ways: good diet, exercise, sleep, and balance? Why isn’t this part of the fabric of our faith?

Part of this is because Christianity made a pretty serious departure from living by laws. As Paul said, all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial.

But as Jesus said he didn’t come to destroy the law but to fulfill it. Maybe things like the kosher rules do not technically apply to our faith but we can learn something from them.

I think it is time that we take a serious look at ourselves and our community and figure out how to right some of these obvious imbalances. Let’s look at how we treat our bodies. Let’s look at the extra weight that we carry every single day. What are we eating? What does this do to our hearts? How does this affect our fatigue? And most importantly, how does this affect our ability to do what God wants us to do with out lives?

This week I realized that my failure to properly honor my body from a fitness stand point had a huge effect on my energy and my focus. It seriously impacted my ability to meditate and focus on God which is the purpose of this week for me!

Step your game up Clarence…

But yesterday was the beginning of turning that around. As I focused on honoring my temple I could see more clearly that God was there inside as He always is.

Question of the day: What can you do to improve your relationship with your body and your physical health?

My Challenge to you: Find a physical activity that you enjoy. Maybe it is running, or yoga, or capoeira like it is for me. Try something new!!! Not only will this be great for your body but it will get you out into the world and expose you to new people and ideas. If you try something new and don’t like it try something else. If you try something new and do like it, keep exploring! Don’t quit until you find a sport or discipline that you ENJOY. Find more than one if you can. Diversity is the spice of life. Exercising shouldn’t be a chore. It should be a challenge that your mind, body, and spirit enjoy.

Today’s Meals:

Breakfast: 3 Scrambled Eggs

Snack: Nuts

Lunch: Mediterranean Chicken Salad

Dinner: Albacore Tuna Steak and CHICKEN

Beverage of the Day: Water

Clearly I need more veggies. I also discovered that I CAN eat fruit but it just can’t be citrus. I need to  make sure of that before I go crazy. Also I need to bring rice into the game. I was entirely too hungry yesterday.

Meditation week continues…

Meditation Day 2: Crash

“You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48

Today’s Reading: Matthew 5-7

Yesterday was an interesting day.

As some of you know I am a big fan of public transportation. I have been working in downtown LA for several years now and have relied exclusively on buses and trains to get me down there. Besides saving money I feel that riding the metro exposes me to a totally different Los Angeles. 

It is a true melting pot where business executives may sit next to the homeless, kids in skinny jeans stand chatting above single mothers with their children, gangsters bump elbows with law enforcement and military veterans. The metro has finally become part of the major veins and arteries to the heart of downtown.

There was a movie called Crash that came out several years ago. It was about Los Angeles and what happens when we are forced out of the bubbles of our manicured lawns and single passenger cars through chance interactions with other people. These types of crashes don’t typically happen on the metro, if not for any other reason than that everyone on the train voluntarily left their bubbles when they decided to take public transportation.

But yesterday there was such a crash, and I was right in the middle of the intersection where it happened.

I got on the Gold Line train to Pasadena arrived at union station at around six o’clock in the evening. I was tired and feeling drained and my back was hurting from sitting too long in a chair that is a bit too small. Because of how I felt I was highly motivated to find a seat. Before the trains come, experienced riders strategically place themselves on the platform where they expect the doors to open. It is a tricky mixture of politeness and gamesmanship; so sophisticated that new riders would never notice.

I stood more often than not the first several weeks I rode this train.

I arrived at the platform several minutes before the train so I was in an ideal position to hold down a prime spot. I chose the last door of the last train as I knew that there were two isolated seats facing each other at the end. I enjoy reading on the train and these seats are the best for that endeavor.

By the time the train came the platform was packed, but I didn’t mind. My strategic positioning paid off. I was one of the first three people on the already almost full car. I found my ideal seat, sat and opened my book. My back felt better, I felt better; life was grand.

There was a dude standing right above me holding the hand rail. He seemed like a current or reformed gangster of some sort but he was a nice fellow. We exchanged nodding hellos and I carried on about the business of reading my book.

Two stops later a disturbance occurred.

The doors opened and this loud exceptionally rude man entered the train. By now it was so full that it would be hard for anyone to walk the isles without the obligatory “excuses me” and “pardon me” with each step. But there were a few things different about this man.

He had no manners, offered no apologies, and he was blind.

Yep… dude was blind. He was the “cane with a red tip” kind of blind. Obviously everyone tried to help him wade through the crowd because it was impossible to navigate, even for the sighted, but he wasn’t having it. He literally screamed at every attempt to help. “Don’t tell me where to go I can figure it out!” Of course the fact that there literally was nowhere to go without help escaped him. So he pushed and shoved and tapped and elbowed his way through the perplexed crowd, stepping on several shoes and kicking even more shins. He passed the handicapped seats and headed to the end of the train where the gangster dude and I were.

As the young blind man reached us he slammed into dude so hard that it dislodged him from where he was standing. My man tried to help him by guiding him in the right direction.

“HANDS OFF! DON’T TOUCH ME! I KNOW WHERE I’M GOING.”

To which old buddy responded, “no you don’t… I’m just trying to help you.”

The blind man took a short break from bickering with the alleged gangster to punk me out of my seat.

“CAN I HAVE THIS SEAT!” he demanded.

Presented with the dilemma of protecting my manhood against the challenge of a blind man I decided to get up and let him have the seat.

Rude Blind Man: 1

Manhood and Pride: 0

I stood up and gave him my seat, careful not to tell him where it was because after all, he can see right...?

After bumbling around for a spell he figured it out and sat down. He then continued to fight with the annoyed man standing above him. They exchanged barbs for the better part of ten minutes while the other riders listened on. The gangsterish dude commented on how the blind man must be bitter about life because of how rude he was. The blind man retorted that he wasn’t bitter; as a matter of fact he is happy with his life. He has the best life ever.

More than a few of us were skeptical about the truth behind his words.

The conversation degenerated into terribleness on both sides. The only reason why they didn’t physically fight is because the same pride that made the sighted fellow stand up for himself against the blind dude is the same pride that would not allow him to beat the jerk to within an inch of his life.

The cold part about it is that the blind guy knew it… he used his blindness to bully everyone around him.

It was the strangest of sights. After about two or three minutes of trying to focus on my book I thought for a minute… maybe I’m supposed to learn something here. So I started listening and reflecting on what was happening. I’m still thinking about it but I did realize a few things.

Both the blind man and the irritated, sighted fellow were playing the same part in the same play. Both were bullies in their own right. The blind man used his blindness to command control on all of those around him. He used the pity that so offended him when folks tried to help against those very same people. When the perturbed, sighted fellow fought back he in turn verbally bullied the blind man as much as he could since he could not rain blows upon his countenance.

Finally the sighted fellow stopped as his rage dissipated enough to realize the pattern. He wanted to exit the play.

But the blind man wouldn’t let him. He continued to talk trash to him; and when he no longer got a response, he got on his phone and started loudly talking to some person on the other side about this rude jerk standing next to him and how he had prevailed over him in the recent struggle.

It was quite unbelievable.

From my front row seat I thought about who was right and who was wrong. I guess more accurately, about who was more right and who was more wrong. I sympathized with the sighted fellow. He was rudely bumped into. When he tried to help he was verbally abused by a man who comfortably hid behind his handicap. It seemed to me that it was an injustice that was unbearably foul. I understood why he fought back.

But he was wrong too. He shouldn’t have answered the call to arms. He should have just inoculated himself with love to ward off the blind man’s venom.

Or so I thought. I really don’t know.

That’s what I thought I was doing when I gave up my seat but maybe I just punked out. It’s not like the blind man couldn’t walk. Why was it any more difficult for him to stand than it was for me? He could hold on to the rail just like I did. But he shamed me out of my seat. I didn’t want to be the jerk on the train that wouldn’t give his seat to a blind man. There’s no way that looks right.

In the end I was happy that I didn’t take the blind man’s invitation to the drama of his life. It was as sad a display of humanity as it was maddeningly complex. I am convinced that turning the other cheek was the right move here. Even the furious fellow who decided to fight with him ended up doing the same, at a higher cost to his pride.

It’s just annoying that some people push us to these extremes.

Today’s Meals:

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs

Snack: Mixed roasted nuts

Lunch: Home grilled chicken thighs and green beans (leftovers)

Snack: More nuts

Dinner: Pan seared rare albacore tuna and green beans

Beverage of the day… Water

Meditation Day 1: Giving Thanks

Today was a good day. I woke up earlier than normal and spent a half hour or so meditating before getting ready for work. There is something about the solitude of the morning that I love. I think it might be the quiet.

There is a peace in the quiet of the morning that doesn’t seem to be there any other time of day. As I told you before I was always a night owl. I used to stay up late because I relished the quiet of the night. But when I compare the two, the quiet of the night and the quiet of the morning, I must say that I feel more at peace in the morning. When I’m up late my mind is racing, running a mile a minute trying to solve all of the world’s problems. It is the time of my greatest inspiration. I love being in that zone but after a while it gets tiring.

In the morning on the other hand, I’ve had the entire night’s sleep to let my mind wander on the paths that it wanted to go on. I wake up refreshed and full of energy, ready to tackle the tasks of the day.

Ok fine, some days I don’t wake up with that same, rosy enthusiasm but when I wake up with the purpose of meditating, I always end up there.

This morning was no different.

During my time with God I just tried to give thanks. I thanked God for all that He has done for me. I thanked him for the beautiful people that He has brought into my life and I asked that he continues to bless them and me as we take new steps every single day along the paths of our purpose.

There is something very grounding about giving thanks. At first it was hard because lately I have been more focused on what I don’t have than on what I do have. But when I forced myself to change my thinking something wonderful happened. I was overcome with a powerful sense of peace. Through giving thanks I was shown the wonderful blessing that is my life. I was able to see where I have come from and perhaps where I am going. And I was able to see how much of it was a miracle of God’s doing rather than the result of my own ingenuity.

When is the last time that you sat down and thought about what you were thankful for? Don’t feel bad… it had been a while for me too. It is hard not to get distracted by the struggles of life. We see it in the news too… the negative stuff tends to get more attention than the positive.

This is my challenge to you. Sit down for ten minutes or so and just think about everything you are thankful for. Visualize the people, places, and things. Get inside those memories. If it is a person imagine giving them a hug and telling them that you love them. Write the stuff down if you like. Seeing what you have, what you have accomplished, and that you are loved are very powerful things. This knowledge has the ability to transform your life into a life where you are thriving rather than merely surviving.

And of course come back and let us know how it went!

That’s all for now. I’ll be back tomorrow to share whatever else I am inspired to write.

Oh… and the first clear message I was given was to study the Sermon on the Mount this week… so that’s what I will do. Hey… after all it was one of Gandhi’s core principles for his life so it must be great in a universal way right?

Trust me.

Read along! Matthew 5-7.

I will resume the daily Bible program next week.

Talk to you all tomorrow!! Time to wind down the day…

Today’s Meals

Breakfast: 2 Servings of Oatmeal

Snack: Mixed roasted nuts

Lunch: Grilled Chicken Kabob and Mediterranean Salad (no vinegar!)

Snack: More nuts

Dinner: Home grilled chicken thighs and green beans

Beverage of the day… Water

Meditation Week!

Hey what up folks! 

Not too long ago I sent y'all some notes on meditation. Since then I've been feeling a need to fast for a bit, a sort of a spiritual recharge and search for clarity. So that's what I'm going to do this week. 

Of course because I'm a rather extreme person this means it will also include a fast. The last time I did this i did the master cleanse and abstained from TV and the internet. That was pretty crazy but it definitely yielded great results, this blog being one of them.

This time it won't be as extreme from a dietary perspective, but it will be a focused week of meditation and time with God. And of course I will write about it on the blog, so stay tuned and check in with me! 

If any of you feel so inspired to get down with me on this fast/meditation week I can use all the moral support I can get! You don't have to do what I'm doing. Maybe there is something that you want to give up for a week. Or maybe there is something you have wanted to do but haven't done: exercise everyday, pray everyday, call a family member every day. I'm sure there is something you can think of, even for just a day or two. 


THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT! (for me): 
No TV
No Internet (yikes)
Meditate everydayYeast Free Diet. 

Hopefully I'll make it. 

Why the yeast free diet you might be wondering? Well, because it is super healthy and I need a physical cleansing as well. And because I do not feel inspired to do the master cleanse this time around.. I tried the yeast free thing before and couldn't hack it. Let's see what happens this time. 

In general I will spend the time I would usually spend on the internet (Netflix) and TV in meditation. Readings books are ok. I will also tweet the ideas that don't make it to the blog at http://twitter.com/aconvowithgod


So please wish me luck, pray for me, flip a coin or whatever it is you do. Also feel free to share with us your thoughts and ideas here at the blog!

I'll be in touch. 

Clarence

The Crickets Have Arthritis

My friend Emily sent this to me and it touched my spirit. I hope that it does the same for you.

Enjoy

A Convo with Kofi About Sex

So I wrote this post yesterday about the passages in 1 Cor 6 regarding sexual immorality. 

Shortly there after the homie Kofi hit me up on chat with some challenging questions and the following conversation ensued. I believe that one of the ways that God speaks to us is through those around us. 

My man Kof makes some good points... Enjoy

Kofi: haha...interesting, I gotta run, be back later. I just wanted to ask several Questions: Did you look at all the other verses having to do with sex before coming to the conclusion of permissibility? Have you considered 1 Cor 6:12 in the context of Matthew 5:28, 1 Cor 7:9, and Job 31:1? What do you think it means that sex is never discussed in the Bible in a positive way before marriage? Have you truly searched your spirit man for not just wisdom but 'understanding' on some 1 Cor 2 stuff (before writing this particular piece)? How explicit would the writers have to be to convince people that sex before marriage is sin, and would that be practical? Would it be spiritual? If even thinking lustfully at a woman is sin, how could actual sex not be? Is the lack of definition of sexual immorality a call for us to get away from seeing sin through adherence to ' 'law' and really seeking God's spirit rather than our human intellect to decide how we should live or who we should we?

me: haha just saw your comments. Let me read through them..

Did I look at all of the scriptures no. but I'm not even convinced that "fornication" is sex outside of marriage.

Regarding Matt: 5:28 adultery, by definition, implies that one has already entered into the marriage bond. Even so that is an impossible standard. I'm not sure if you read my entire post but I do submit to the fact that Paul is right about it being bad, assuming that he is talking about sex outside of marriage.

Regarding 1 Cor 7:9... look at verse 6 for context.. “I say this as a concession, not as a command.”

In both chapter 6 and 7 he is clear that this is not a command.

He is also clear in saying that this is wise and the best way to go... and I agree with him.

Job: 31:1: Wasn't Job married? Also this is not part of the Laws of Moses. I'm certain of that. It is a New Testament thing.

I'd argue that sex isn't discussed at all in terms of it being before marriage. I've seen sex discussed in marriage, in adultery, and with prostitutes. It may very well be the case that folk really weren't having sex with women outside of marriage (unless they were prostitutes) because it was such a taboo.

I have searched for wisdom on this. And I readily accept that I could be wrong but I felt compelled to write this because I'm not the only person thinking about it. If having a dialog about it means that I come out as being the one that is flawed then I'm ok with that. But I didn't want to shy away from writing about it just because I have problems with it (I almost punked out).

I do think it would have been practical to mention it explicitly. The old law is explicit about not having sex with animals and homosexuality... why not be explicit about this? In the New Testament verse I mentioned in the blog, Mark 10... I can see someone using that as a rationale… but still it is in the context of divorce and marriage. I don't understand why the Bible is explicit about so many other general aspects of sex and not this one.

The part about seeing God's spirit... you've got me there

Maybe this really speaks to the sickness of our society. I do not believe that it is ideal for human beings to be unmarried into their 30s... at the time folk were getting married in their teens… big cultural changes have occurred... again I'm not saying this to explain away the situation... but maybe our society is so sick that the sexual part of obedience is that much more trying.

Let's discuss further.

Kofi returned

me: well you made the point that I made in the second half of my post

 In terms of the will of God and what the spirit says on the matter, which makes the definition of "fornication" kinda a moot point

Kofi: I want to go back to a couple of points you made

me: ok

Kofi: I’m interested in the definition of adultery

me: INTERESTING

Kofi: adultery, as I interpret it in the bible does not mean marriage. From our reading of the whole book its essential meaning has to do with faithfulness to God

me: see… now that is what I have heard about fornication

  never about adultery

  

Kofi: well going back to Matthew 5

  and lustfulness

me: fornication meaning not putting anything before God

  ok

  listening

Kofi: to me Matthew 5 is really getting at God wanting us to be free of a lustful mind

  that's why he doesn't break it down into specific sex acts

  because if we could sniff each others butts to fulfill lustful mental desires

  we would do it

  like "God didn’t say we couldn’t do this"

to me marriage is part of what justifies sexual gratification in Gods eyes

me: hmmm

Kofi: because going back to adultery, and faithfulness,

  these fleshly bodies

  aren’t ours

  they're his

  bought with his blood

with his spirit inserted into those who receive it

coming together in lust, lust in itself being a sin, to me is definitely sin

me: still here listening FYI

Kofi: Rather than breaking down specifics, he focuses on lust, because it is an affliction of the spirit, that deals with all of the physical acts associated with it

me: great point

Kofi: like if you kiss a girl on the mouth, like I'm feeling you, I love you, shoot I love the God in you

  not necessarily lust

whereas if you kiss someone and you're like, "dang I just want to knock the stuffin’ out that English muffin"

  its lust

me: hahahaah

  is it possible to knock the stuffin out the english muffin in a "i love the God in you" kind of way without being married?

  j/k kinda

Kofi: hahahahaha

me: hahahahaha

Kofi: well in marriage, presuming a whole lot of other factors outside of the bounds of this convo, God's cosigned on the union

  we got justification

  its like, right now

  I'm still a sinner

  I'm just justified

  by his grace

Sex without marriage is Sex without the grace covering

  does that make it fall short of being actual sin?

  I dont think so, because sex without lusting

  dont exist

me: damn you

Kofi: I was thinking the exact same thing

  lol

  {damn me}

me: hahahahahhaa

  thank you for being a great friend

Kofi: thank you brotha, unlike Wesley Snipes in New Jack City, "I am my brothas keeper" (trying to be)

me: hahahaha thanks man

I still don't follow you on the expansive definition on adultery...

  but I do understand you taking the leap on the lustful mind

  adultery or not

  That's where the Holy Spirit comes in... cause otherwise it's impossible.

  The lustful mind part

Kofi: Got you, I got my concept about adultery from verses like Jeremiah 9:1-3 and Hosea 7:1-5

in which he calls people adulterers, for being unfaithful to him. You know how there's that verse about a married person's priority is their spouses and a single person's is God's business? He seems to be saying you're never really single. You're either in covenant with him, or him and your spouse, either way, your heart, mind, and body belong to him first.

me: I don't read these verses the same way

why isn't calling them adulterers just one extra thing they are all doing wrong?

 yeah that's 1 Cor 7

Kofi: well in Hosea 7 he says they are "all" adulterers

me: yes

  he says all in Jeremiah too

  maybe they all were just sexin’ all kinds of prostitutes and scalawags

Kofi: maybe, I think they were bad

  but as bad as we are

  we aint that bad

  and our generation is pretty terrible

me: hahaha

  yeah that's real

he makes it sound like Sodom 10.0!

  all kinds of unsavory, skullduggerous pandemonium

Let's Talk About Sex

embrace by Egon Schiele

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh. "But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. – 1 Corinthians 6:12-17

Today’s Reading: Psalms 113-115; 1 Corinthians 6

Ok I’m gonna come right out and say it…

I don’t think sex outside marriage is a "sin".

I know that 99% of my Christian brothers and sisters will disagree with me here and to be honest I’m ok with that. Maybe I will receive a new understanding in the future and change sides on this one. I have two issues with it. 

First, what is “sexual immorality” anyway? I haven’t seen it explicitly defined as sex outside of marriage. In the last chapter it was used when discussing a man sleeping with his father’s wife. Now THAT is pretty darn immoral. I get that. But someone please help me with a scripture explicitly saying that sexual immorality (fornication) is sex outside of marriage. I will also accept an argument that seems to break that down by saying what can and cannot be done. Provide scriptures please.

Secondly, every time I have heard a sermon on the topic they reference these verses…

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay… I can dig that. 

But they never include these verses…

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12

It’s from the same section of the same chapter! Context matters.

I have spent years thinking about this for obvious reasons. It’s not like I’m a virgin or anything. And call me a sinner if you want but good gracious, sex being a sin has never made sense to me.

But then I read the next few verses and I see the point that Paul is making here:

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." – 1 Corinthians 6:16

The point here is that there is something more going on with sex than the physical. When we have sex with someone we are connecting on a deeper level than we realize. That person becomes a part of us and we become a part of them. You know each other in a way that cannot be articulated.

I don’t know if you have experienced this but let me test it out for you. Do you remember the last time you saw someone that you had sex with in the past but have not seen in a while? There is a familiarity there that is more intimate than what you feel when you see a long lost friend. In a deeper sense you know each other.

There is a soul tie.

You’ve shared a bond, whether it was for several years or just one night. The duration of the relationship may affect the intensity but it doesn’t change the fact that a connection is there. During sex we are at our most vulnerable. We open ourselves up to the other person in a way that doesn’t happen in any other kind of human interaction.

This is why Paul’s general point makes sense to me. Whether or not it is permissible is not really the point. The question is whether or not it is beneficial. If we have a lasting connection with everyone that we have ever had sex with, then how does this affect our future relationships? Are we bringing this baggage into our marriages?

Paul would say yes. And I’d have to agree… reluctantly.

I think this is something compelling to think about. Of course I believe in Grace and that these connections can be overcome but geez… we can’t front on these things being complicated. So I guess the fewer the connections the better.

And this gets us back to the original point… sex outside of marriage.

I do believe that not having sex outside of marriage is ideal in a profound way. But I also think it is permissible. However, like with everything we do, there are costs and benefits.

The question is, is it worth it?

That is not for me to tell you. But I think the argument for no sex before marriage very compelling. I’m not gonna sit here and promise you that I won’t do it. I’m no fool. But I do think it is an interesting discussion to have.

What do you think? Agreements, disagreements and comments are welcome as always. 




UPDATE:


This is what Jesus had to say about divorce... this is the best I've found on sex outside of marriage being no bueno.. but it refers to the bond of marriage... What about the time between leaving your folks and getting married? If you believe that divorce is not a sin, outside of it being caused by adultery, then how is premarital sex sin? Perhaps the change in our society of folks getting married later and living outside the home before marriage changes the game? Then again maybe not. Interesting stuff tho. 


Mark 10: 1-12